I just had to pick myself off the floor after seeing the cuteness of this bedding. 

I like this crib. . . and, LOOK, it turns into a toddler bed and then a full sized bed! Wonderful! Europa Geneva Convertible. For my reference. . . when I'm actually having to shop for this stuff. 

Toddler sized--perfect. 

Um. Yes. That works for me. I'm cheap and easy. Good reviews on Amazon, too. And free shipping! I love to save money and reduce headache!! 

Delta Changing Table, $99 May be more ivory than white. In that case, I don't know, but it has great reviews. I like the lines of it. Looks elegant! 

South Shore in White, $150-- like that it has drawers for storage instead of the two shelves. That way I can put baby clothes in there as well as the closet without having to get a real chest of drawers for baby. I don't know. SO many options!!

Birdies! :D

Pottery Barn Kids Penelope Birdie Bedding for Baby :D 

Wouldn't itty bitty Dragan look super sweet snuggled up in this? I think so! 

Grandmas are cool.

I spent 12 whole hours with my grandma yesterday, and it was a blast. 

This wasn't from yesterday, obviously. I didn't have my camera and I very clearly don't fit into a size 6 anymore. *sigh* 

But Grandma still has a flair for avoiding the camera. . . 

Anyhow, we started out our day by heading to the Frist with the free vouchers Trina gave me. Surprisingly enough, even though my knowledge of downtown Nashville is minimal, we made it through our day without the assistance of Garmin. We didn't end up staying there very long because Grandma was cold ( in this 90 degree weather). We made it through the Couture exhibit before she couldn't take it anymore, so we went back outside into the humidity and heat. :D You'll put up with anything for your Grandma, I think.

We got hungry and went to Big River! I parallel parked for the first time ever, and nobody died, nor did I back into the curb. You don't understand. I never understood the necessity of parallel parking and therefore could never will myself to do such a dangerous thing. It's just that when you've left your car in neutral before while getting the mail and allowed it to roll down a hill into a gate that you get a little iffy about living on the edge.  :) And when someone else's car might be involved in your potentially bad parking job, it's not such a good thing! But I digress. . . 

After that, we went to Green Hills Mall because Grandma had never been. We walked around a bit, went into baby clothing stores, and had a generally awesome time.. I fell in LOVE with a baby dress that was light purple and had sketches of three little kittens playing in a basket. I am planning on having it. It's just a matter of time. It's one of those things that I would like to buy just in case I have a girl, you know? A good staple to have on hand. So sweet.  $44 kind of sweet. I need it. 

After hitting up Pottery Barn, Ann Taylor, and Sephora ( did not stay in there too long-- perfume + pregnant=queasy overload) -- we made our way over to Cheesecake Factory for some cheesecake and coffee. She had coffee; I had water. 

I left my phone on the table and didn't realize it. 

Next, we headed back into the Lebanon area and went to the outlet mall. More baby clothes and Banana Republic. 

Went back home. Realized I didn't have my phone. Went inside to call around. 

Called Grandma and we were back on the road to Green Hills. She didn't want me to go alone. Aww. :) 

We picked up my phone from Green Hills and were back on our way to Lebanon when we decided an hour long pit stop at Home Goods was in order. 

Best day! I love my Grandma. :) I haven't seen her in a while, and that made everything so much better. 

I hugged a man in his underwear... not me... THIS guy...

I wish I could have been there for this. 

I cried when I saw this picture. 

http://naytinalbert.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-hugged-man-in-his-underwear-and-i-am.html

I look like Lloyd.

Ever attempted to cut your own hair? 

Well, I do that all the time. I see a hair a bit longer than the rest or something that's a result of my cowlick and immediately grab the closest pair of scissors and go to war against my hair. The need to cut my hair was has been only  amplified by the sassy pair of haircutting scissors I found at Dollar Tree. 

Sometimes I have decent results. Decent, if not perfect, is at least free. I hate paying $5-10 for something as simple as a bang trim. 

Well, I had the great idea to make my bangs a lot shorter and still keep the whole side swept bang thing going on. Didn't quite work out. I now have Dumb and Dumber bangs! I've had them for about a week, but I've been in denial. I've tricked myself into thinking they look okay in wake of the happy news. 

Not so, not so. 

Anyhow, here are my bangs... and I cannot wait for them to grow out so I can get them properly done again.  Look at the jagged pathetic-ness of this hair. MAN.

They kind of make me want to vomit. 

This is like the time I shaved off half of my eyebrow in the tenth grade. 

Only, I don't have the excuse of youthful ignorance...

Speaking of youthful ignorance, I would pretty much do anything to have this hair again. I think I was 21?  With the help of prenatals and self-discipline, it is a work in progress for Brandon. He desperately wants my hair to be long again. I think he's tired of the mom hair.

 This was back when my hair would actually do something for me. . . 

Allow for me to clear my throat and take a pregnant pause...

There's not many people who follow my blog, so I figured I'd let this little blog world know that we have another bun in the oven!! Due March 23rd or whereabouts. Yeah! If you squint, you can see the second light pink line. That was my first test! You can see it a lot better in person, but I'm not going to invite you guys over to stare at something I peed on. 

I don't want to write too much about this pregnancy until we have our first checkup. So far, so good.  Our first checkup is going to be on August 18th, so please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Hoping that this is going to be a healthy pregnancy and at the end of nine months, we'll be holding a healthy newborn! The miscarriage in April didn't dash our hopes entirely, thank God! That was traumatic. 

Tomorrow marks 5 weeks for me. I'm hoping for another 35-37 weeks of fun! 

Pregnancy hopes/confirmations always bring out a pseudo neat freak in me. This morning I was folding some of our clothes and putting them away in our drawers. I had a hard time closing one of the drawers, so I pulled the drawer out completely to find a shirt that had fallen through the dresser. . . accompanied by tufts of cat hair. :/ I am usually good about keeping the cat hair you can SEE out of the way, but this phantom cat hair is getting on my nerves. I'm going to have a breakdown!

So, right now I'm going through my lower kitchen cabinets and rewashing everything and vacuuming the insides of the cabinets. It just grossed me out way too much  for me to let it stay as is! I guess this is a welcome change in me. I combat being really ambitious about detailed projects and tiredness at the same time, so there's probably going to be a lot of things left unaccomplished.  For my own motivation and accountability, I might do a bloggy cleaning challenge or something. It's about time I got my act together when it comes to the keeping the house presentable at all times.  The one thing that keeps me going is the sad thought of an infant inhaling cat hair and coughing out a hair ball. Not good! 

How are my readers? I have a lot more entries to write about our Atlanta trip, but life's been a bit busy! 

of life and legends

I have to apologize for the serious nature of my posts from time to time. It's not my intention to bombard the masses with what I'm feeling. Just the same, though, this is my blog and I have to frequently admit to what I'm working through. It may sound like a lot of complaining, but it's just venting. I should perhaps create yet another blog to devote solely to more emotional topics, but then I would be depriving you guys of who I truly am. Not that I'm trying to be cocky or anything. . . 

I think you get what I'm saying. 

Anyhow, I promise that a fun post is on the way. 

We're going to go see Phantom of the Opera this weekend in Atlanta, and that's sure to be a good time with lots of pictures and goodness. 

I don't need to tell you this, but I'll cry as soon as I hear the orchestra start up the overture. 

I don't know why I cry. It's not that the music moves me. I think I cry because it was something sweet in my past.  Most  of my good memories circulate around musicals and theatre. 

And tonight, I'm going to stop by redbox and get Colin Firth's new movie, A Single Man,

and force Brandon to watch it with me. He doesn't know it, but Colin Firth is his favorite leading man, too. 

Does anyone else find it hilarious that the people who we love in cinema now are going to be like the Gene Kellys and Bing Crosbys of the future? I can't imagine my favorite actors ever getting old and becoming obsolete people with Biography specials and recaps of their glory years. 

Like, am I going to be that grandma that gets crazy delighted when a movie from 1995 comes on with my grandchild being bored out of her mind  like it's something from the '30s-40s? 

"This is when they knew how to make a movie! Not that trash you see now!!" 

*dies after seeing Shirley Temple tap dance for the millionth time*

I don't know. It just makes me smile. Things change; we get older. 

And are there even going to be movies? Or are those going to become obsolete like talkies and soap operas? ( I say this because all of my grandmother's favorites are off the air or are in their last leg.) 

I'm probably thinking of this because someone tried to sell off an old set light from the Golden Age of Hollywood on Pawn Stars last night. 

Yep.  Anyhow, have a nice day! 

save the drama for yo mama

I've been thinking about it a lot recently, and I have to say that I 

am desperately wanting to grow up. I think we all have our different ideas of what it means to be an adult. For me, it means cutting the ties with my mother and starting a new trend. 

Notice that I did not say severing the relationship. 

I have let my mother's unhealthy perception shape me for far too long. I have believed words that have fallen from her own wounded lips, allowing them to shape me and back me into some corner. I have agonized, whined, complained and blamed. I have been intimidated, baited, bullied, and begged.  I am so tired. 

I really can't and don't want to take it anymore. 

I don't mean to sound selfish. I really don't. I love my mother so much. I don't think you can quite know love and resentment at the same time until you've dealt with something devastating like a handicap or terminal illness. There's this sort of unspoken sacrifice that takes place. In my case, it was never explained, always demanded and expected. I know my family was too stressed to pay attention to the smaller details of life.  

I hate that I don't have a relationship with my mom. I hate it. I never thought I would be twenty-five and having issues with my mother, much worse than the ones that existed throughout high school. At least in high school it could be chalked up to puberty and wanting to be like everyone else.  It wasn't to be expected for a teenage girl to get along with her mother then. 

This is so much bigger. This is almost disabling to me. 

I am the kind of person who loves and feels deeply. 

I want a friendship with my mom. I want to laugh and talk with her without there being shadows of the past lingering around the room. I want her to look me in the eyes and see me, not who she wanted me to be that I couldn't live up to. 

I want to be able to speak plainly to her without second guessing myself or buckling as soon as she opens her mouth and states her opinion. 

I want her to accept it when I decline an invitation, not hound me for days about it and make our relationship seem like an obligation. 

I want the confidence that she never once instilled in me. 

I want for her to treat her grandchildren differently than she treated me. 

Old habits die hard, and I am still treated the same way I was when the wounds in my heart were created. 

I don't mean to be melodramatic, but my heart literally burns in my chest when I see my mom. It's like everything constricts and I can't breathe. 

I'm in a panic, and I just wait for our time together to pass until I can exhale and be Jami again. 

It's not that I don't love her. . . I just want to "be" for a while. 

I want to find out who I am outside of her. I don't want to be afraid of my own potential or not living up to her standards. 

I know this seems so cliche. A daughter having problems with her mother? Who would have thought?

Wanna know the sad part about this? I don't confide in my mother how I feel. She only gets smiling, unfeeling me. Pretty unfair to her, right?

I think so, too. 

Happy anniversary!!!

So, Brandon and I will be celebrating our four year wedding anniversary tomorrow, and I thought it was only fitting to honor it with a blog entry. 

He is my best friend, and I love him with my whole heart. 

Here's a picture tribute to the man I call my husband. . . 

For better or for worse, he is mine. ;) 

This is the first year Brandon and I were dating! 2004! Don't we look young? ( Actually, I think I look quite ancient here.)  I love how I still 

have issues with my bangs like I did back then. We're with one of my high school best friends, Melanie. 

Brandon and I, still looking youthful, in 2005. This is one of the last pictures we have with Brandon's 1997 Jeep Cherokee.  I love Brandon's AC Slater hair.  But, who am I kidding? My hair's never been much better!

Brandon and I and the city of Manhattan! I loved that coat with my entire being. Now it's picking up cat hair in one of our spare closets. Oh, the things you hold on to and probably won't ever wear again! 

 

 Skinny minnies! 

One of the pictures someone got of Brandon the first time he saw me on our wedding day! 

Would you believe he liked me back then? 

If you know me well enough, it's probably clear that I was most likely snort-laughing in this picture!

A pic from our first year of marriage! Look at me yanking down his eye with my huge head! LOL! "Smile, baby! My forehead is going to impale you!" 

I didn't know I would be marrying a caveman! Pleasant surprise! That money from Geico helped out big time.  

March 2008! Chattanooga Aquarium Trip! Andy and Kelley look like babies, and we don't look much older!! :) 

Us at Coldplay in 2009! 

At Brandon's dad's retirement party in December 2009.

That's life, kid!

Well, we had a little bit of a personal upset today. I won't elaborate, but Brandon received a pay cut due to some company downsizing. It was half a surprise, half expected. We are thankful he still has a job, but we can't help but feel a little confused and jaded right now. I know things will work out in the end and that we will look back on this time and know we learned something from it, but pay decreases and family planning don't often go hand in hand. My dream of stay-at-home-mommyhood might be a little impossible now. We were under the impression that Brandon's company was going to be adding a great benefits package so my primary insurance wouldn't be necessary.  We're going to wait it out for a bit and see what happens before seriously contemplating anything. 

We're still going to continue to do Dave Ramsey, and I might look for a small job on the side. I said I wanted to let go of some monotony. ;) Adding a new job to the mix might be exciting and enriching!! (And by exciting and enriching, I think I mean tiresome and draining...) 

Eh, in happier news, one of my hydrangea plants is starting to show some new blooms and buffalo chicken lasagna is in the crock pot waiting to be eaten tomorrow. Financial strife only brings out the Suzy Homemaker in me; if I can't shop, I can try to cook and try to adapt to a tighter budget.