Mama Laughlin: my internet role model

I have a role model out there in blogland. I read her blog on a weekly basis and get excited when she has a new post because I'm always sure to laugh. Her name is Brandi, and she is a funny, BEAUTIFUL mom of two precious little boys. She's also someone who has struggled with weight issues in the past and conquered the scale. She lost a ton of weight after her first pregnancy and then got pregnant again, so she's working down to her goal weight now. And she looks KILLER. Like, " I hate her for being so pretty". :) But you can't hate her because she's real and funny and is doing the hard work to beat the scale. If I had a tiny bit of her motivation, I'd be doing good! She's so hardcore. One of her more recent posts is about how she fits in her fitness goals with being a working wife and mommy. It makes me tired just reading it!!

Anyhow, I know not many people check my blog out since I am just pretty awful at updating, but I think you should check out her blog for some major inspiration, funny stories, and some pretty incredible before and after pictures. ;)

Long time, no blog! It's seriously been a while. Again. All I can do is assure you just how busy we've been! Brandon's work schedule has gotten busier, and he's still doing night classes and plugging away at his degree. That translates to us being ships passing in the night... and I'm, well... I'm working and being a mommy to Natalie and attempting to maintain our home.

I cannot believe that Natalie's almost a year old. When I close my eyes, I can still envision being big and pregnant. This time last year I was in extreme "nesting mode". I would daydream at work about holding her and smelling her little newborn head. ;) I would mentally rehearse what steps I would take if I went into labor on any given day. I was researching how to naturally induce my own labor, and, each night, I was taking a bubble bath and hoping THAT would trigger labor while I was reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I would pull out the cell phone and time my contractions, only to realize they were the pesky Braxton hicks kind and not the real deal.

I remember struggling through the pack and play assembly and being convinced that something had died under our kitchen sink. Hormones! The smell went away as soon as I was back from the hospital. :)

I remember the last night I was at work before maternity leave. I stuck around long enough to change, say my goodbyes for three months, and then I went to see a movie with my then barely pregnant friend, Kelley. Her baby's now almost six months old! Time flies! We watched The King's Speech, and she ate a TON of food because she was still in that very fun stage of pregnancy that dictates that you will absolutely be doing a disservice to your child unless you devour everything in sight.

And, wow, I know it was a while ago, but it's like yesterday to me. I remember the day at the hospital, the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach as I was admitted and shown to our labor and delivery room. It was the best day of my life, and I will never forget it. I got to meet my sweet girl. I was so terrified to hold her that first time, so in awe of her and unsure of myself. I was pretty sure I had never seen anything so beautiful, and I did not feel worthy of her.

But, thank goodness, the nerves have dispelled and my relationship with my daughter has turned into a comfortable ebb and flow. I am not a nervous mother (anymore) , and I am thankful for that. I have learned things over this past year, taken the advice of others, and have settled into my own reasonably normal routine. I worry for her, and I pray for her, but I surrender her care to my heavenly father. He knows the hairs on her head, and for all the bad things in this world, He is good.

I am so thankful for her health and happiness. I have truly never met a happier, more entertaining child. Aren't those the words of a mother? ;)

That being said, I LOVE LOVE LOVE her and cannot wait to celebrate her birthday on the 18th! We're having a fun Minnie Mouse party. I ordered my invitations tonight and am VERY slowly working on her birthday banner. ;) Cannot wait to have the house full of friends and family celebrating our girl. ;)

the post where I bemoan the effects of antidepressants

When a doctor tells you to not stop taking a pill cold turkey, believe the doctor. Let that be the preface to the nervous ranting that's about to take place. As the few of you who actually read my blog know, I've been taking Zoloft since Natalie was about four months old. Give or take, that's six months of a drug in my system. Let it be said that I am horrible when it comes to taking pills. The only exception was when I successfully remembered to take my prenatals throughout my pregnancy. I have more often than not remembered to take my Zoloft and have had great success on it. No weepiness, no extreme terror, no feelings of impending doom. I'm not really exaggerating; these were all real things I felt when I was being tossed through the emotions of postpartum depression. It is real. It is terrifying. Well, we want to get pregnant again. While my doctor has advised me it's safe to be on Zoloft while pregnant, I feel uneasy when I see all of the law firm commercials linking antidepressants and birth defects. I just don't feel right when I watch those. I want this out of my system. And... I had been trying to wean. Initially I was going every other day taking the pill, and then I got brave and decided to skip it two days in a row and then three. This is now day four. I'm up past midnight-- shaking. And what's worse? I can't, for the life of me, find my pills. I remember having them the other night and shaking them for Natalie like a rattle. I stayed at my mom's the other night because I worked a late shift. I'm thinking they're over there, but it doesn't help me right now. I have dug through my purse and diaper bag. I have gone through the medicine cabinet, knowing it's not there. I have paced and laughed out loud like a crazy person. I'm not liking this. Anyhow, there's got to be another way... I don't think I'll spiral into another deep depression because ,surely by now, my hormone's have settled, but I wasn't expecting the dizziness, confusion, and shaking! I have never truly felt withdrawal symptoms. And to make matters worse, we were watching the movie The Unknown with Liam Neeson where he loses his memory and is fighting to figure out who he is. It's nothing but confusion and flashbacks, and it's totally distorting my reality. Funny sidenote: Brandon fell asleep during the movie and bolted upright in bed and asked me why I knew him. Freaked me out. I asked him what he was talking about and he gave me a silly grin and went right back to sleep. Anyhow, I guess I'll get my refills tomorrow and hope for the best. This is weird. I thought I could do it on my own (foolishly), but there's a bit of a dependency here. Anyhow, thanks to anyone who read this messed up retelling of my side effects!

blech blargh blah

What is it with this year? Ever since having a baby, it's like my immune system is failing me... I used to be able to count on one hand how many times I was sick in a year. Never again? Since late November/early December, I have been fighting the same stuffiness and congestion battle. At just around the time I would normally recover, I get it again. The perks of having a baby? I don't know. And then today... I had a lean cuisine for a late lunch and it went downhill from there. I don't know if it was a bad meal, a stomach bug, or what... I just know that I was sick from pretty much 3:30 onward. I was really trying to get over it because there was a five year work celebration tonight complete with steak, potatoes, and a cake. How long has it been since I've had a steak? Oh, probably the night before I had Natalie... anyhow, I got sick twice before Brandon got home with Natalie ( he had taken her to his parents to watch a football game so I could do some laundry or take a nap or catch up on reading, whatever) and was really trying to get it together enough to get ready and leave. I managed to get dressed and have Natalie's clothes laid out for when they came in the door. Brandon showered and helped me to get Natalie ready and her diaper bag prepared. I got sick one more time, sat down, decided to try one more time. Got in the car, stopped to get drinks for the party, collected all the dignity I had left and got sick in the Kroger parking lot... And that point Brandon made the phone call and cancelled us going to the party. He dropped me off at home, ordered me to drink a ton of water, and went back to his parents to watch more football with the baby. I got sick twice more and finally collapsed into a dead sleep. No dreams, nothing, just sleep. I always dream. It was a weird heavy feeling. He and Natalie came back at around 8:30. She fell asleep as soon as she arrived. I had a few meatballs his mom had sent home for me from the dinner she had made, and life's normal again. Just that nagging feeling that something isn't right and I don't feel well. I hate that I missed the party, and I hate that groggy pain in my head. Cannot wait to fall back asleep and wake up feeling normal! Anyhow, how's everything going with my friends? Sorry for the TMI, but this blog will probably be documenting another pregnancy in the near future, so I'm gearing up to share all the fun details again! (ha!) And no-- I don't think today's nausea was anything to do with carrying another baby. It was more like a migraine. :/ And if it was by the slimmest chance ever the symptoms of another pregnancy, I'm in for a fun ride...

nailbiters anonymous

I wanted to add a goal to my list. I want to stop biting my nails. With all the fabulous nail art going around Pinterest, I have been motivated to stop my nasty little habit. I think I've been a nail biter since the age of three or four when my mom accidentally pinched my finger when she was clipping my nails. Apparently it was traumatic, and soon it spiraled into an out of control habit that I'm not even aware of half the time. I just wanted to add that to the list. I know it sounds silly, but this has always been a battle for me. I've tried painting my nails with the nasty tasting lacquer, merely painting my nails, acrylics, etc. Somehow I always let myself down and am left with stubby little nails on tiny little nail beds. Anyhow, here's to pretty fingernails and lots of fun polish colors... we'll see. :)

Addicted to my Kindle

Oh yes, that's right. Me. Addicted to an electronic device. Who would have thought? You practically have to pry this little pretty from my hands at night. I even made a total night owl move and may or may not have purchased a hot pink case for it on ebay an hour ago.

Anyone who knows my previous woes of not wanting a kindle because I "don't have time for one", slap me now. I made time. And I am a junky. So, what have I been reading? Well, it's laughable. A lot of you won't understand. But... here goes. I absolutely love retellings of classic literature, especially romantic pieces like Pride and Prejudice and Jane Eyre. I love old stories re-imagined, and I'm not talking about your modern day spinoffs, like Bridget Jones's Diary, though that's one of my faves, too. I'm talking about... Rochester-- Jane Eyre told (rather saucily) from Mr. Edward Rochester's point of view. It's a little off the mark if you're a Bronte purist (which I am and, at the same time, am not), but it's definitely an engaging read! I love that the kindle lets you sample books generously. With this book, I was able to sample five chapters. And then I was sucked in. I had to purchase it. I needed to know what happened. So, I'm about halfway through this read. I am liking it. It's gotten to the point where you could say it's a bit repetitive. There are, of course, some things that would never happen, but who am I to judge? It's entertaining and, at times, extremely well written. I love to get to know characters, and this Rochester is definitely a tormented fellow. In other words, I know this is written by a female. :) She states at the beginning of the book that she wrote it largely in response to her appreciation for the BBC miniseries of 2006, so I can just close my eyes and imagine those actors as I read this book. And then it makes me want to watch the movie again. Vicious cycle. Early winter is when I usually pull all of my bonnet pieces and period films out. There's something about cold weather that makes me want to pull up the covers and stay in bed watching costume dramas. We even had the BBC 6 hour version of Pride and Prejudice going while I was in labor with Natalie. I was trying to bide my time before the epidural, but I made Brandon turn it off thirty minutes in because I could not concentrate and NEEDED MY EPIDURAL. So, what else am I loving? I'm loving that my child is sleeping through the night. I'm actually up right now because I heard her stirring and just knew I needed to come downstairs and prepare her bottle. Well, pacifier's back in her mouth, and she's fast asleep. I cannot believe she's going to be one in March. It's just--wow, that went by extremely fast. And now it's almost time for another one. The thought scares me. Are we ready? Can we handle it? I want to stay home if we have two or more, and, financially, it's just not happening. Things are hard. Brandon's finishing up school. I contribute a little bit to our mortgage, but I'm all the insurance we have since Brandon's company is small and doesn't offer it. Could we exist on the one income? All very important questions... I'm also loving my "pre-Spring" cleaning. Later today, when I'm actually coherently moving about, I'm going to take down our Christmas tree and get all of my decorations organized and put back down in the basement. Brandon's going to install Natalie's carseat and free up some more space in our living room, and I think, much later in the day, probably during Natalie's second nap (if I get that luxury), I'm going to shampoo our rugs with my new Hoover!! I really hate carpet. Maybe next year or the year after next, it'll be replaced with something more substantial... Anyhow, let's cap this off with something I'm exceedingly thankful for. I'm thankful for the safety and security of my loved ones. I pray fervently for protection over my loved ones each day, and I am so blessed and thankful to say that we have been kept from harm. When you have a child, it literally is like seeing your heart move around outside your body. You weigh things differently. You think about things more. You break that cracker into that much of a smaller piece, you follow more closely. You drive more carefully. I pray to God for protection, guidance, and strength all of the time. And it never ceases. Natalie is the most precious thing we have, our beautiful little girl. She really is so much joy, and it pains me to think that she will one day experience sin. I told Brandon that it's probably going to break my heart the first time she tells me a little white lie. I know that's silly to think, but right now she's 100% pure! Nothing going on in there but peace, love, and baby thoughts.

Resolution Solution :)

I have really enjoyed reading all of the resolution posts going around blogland. There's been a lot of things I would love to focus on in the new year and for the rest of my life, so I'll jot down my quick list and see how well it lines up with reality. 1. I want to read the bible more and spend more time in conversation with my Heavenly Father. I really have no excuse for not doing this as I work in a Christian retail store. I'm surrounded by several volumes of scripture on a daily basis. I have at least 12 bibles on my shelves at home, and I recently bought a kindle. I think there's free bibles on there as well. And well, being a mom and wife-- I need all the prayer and encouragement and strength I can get! 2. I want to read more books. I really liked my friend Trina's idea of reading 26 books by her 26th birthday. I could probably count on two fingers the books I've read this year (excluding board books to Natalie), and they both dealt with pregnancy or breast feeding! Once more, the kindle should help with this. I'm an amazon prime member, and they have the awesome lending library. I can read historical fiction to my heart's content! 3. I want to get healthy. I know I say this every single year, but I really want this to be the year for me. For us. I need to kick my diet coke habit to the curb and focs on eating real foods. I don't think I need to focus on losing weight as much as I need to focus on shifting my mindset. It wouldn't hurt, thought, because we want to try for #2 in the Spring. Losing weight would help my chances of getting pregnant again as well as contributing to a healthier pregnancy over all. 4. I want to cook more. This goes in line with being healthier. My version of "cooking" last night was stopping by Kroger and picking up a Dijourno Pizza. 5. I really want to stick to a home organization plan. There's a calendar circling around the web that's called Decluttering in 2012, and I almost salivate at the sound of it. I love doing random tasks to create order, and I can't really think of anything better to maintain my home than doing something small and orderly every single day. It's little things like "clean out your makeup drawer"- "clean out your sock drawer". They're all doable, even with a toddler running around. (Oh my gosh-- I will technically be the mother of a toddler in less than three months) 6. Craft once a month. I love to craft, but the problem lies in making time to craft. I need to get an inventory of my supplies and go to town on a project that's fun and not stressful. 7.Learn to sew or crochet. I have more and will continue later. :)