Resolution Solution :)

I have really enjoyed reading all of the resolution posts going around blogland. There's been a lot of things I would love to focus on in the new year and for the rest of my life, so I'll jot down my quick list and see how well it lines up with reality. 1. I want to read the bible more and spend more time in conversation with my Heavenly Father. I really have no excuse for not doing this as I work in a Christian retail store. I'm surrounded by several volumes of scripture on a daily basis. I have at least 12 bibles on my shelves at home, and I recently bought a kindle. I think there's free bibles on there as well. And well, being a mom and wife-- I need all the prayer and encouragement and strength I can get! 2. I want to read more books. I really liked my friend Trina's idea of reading 26 books by her 26th birthday. I could probably count on two fingers the books I've read this year (excluding board books to Natalie), and they both dealt with pregnancy or breast feeding! Once more, the kindle should help with this. I'm an amazon prime member, and they have the awesome lending library. I can read historical fiction to my heart's content! 3. I want to get healthy. I know I say this every single year, but I really want this to be the year for me. For us. I need to kick my diet coke habit to the curb and focs on eating real foods. I don't think I need to focus on losing weight as much as I need to focus on shifting my mindset. It wouldn't hurt, thought, because we want to try for #2 in the Spring. Losing weight would help my chances of getting pregnant again as well as contributing to a healthier pregnancy over all. 4. I want to cook more. This goes in line with being healthier. My version of "cooking" last night was stopping by Kroger and picking up a Dijourno Pizza. 5. I really want to stick to a home organization plan. There's a calendar circling around the web that's called Decluttering in 2012, and I almost salivate at the sound of it. I love doing random tasks to create order, and I can't really think of anything better to maintain my home than doing something small and orderly every single day. It's little things like "clean out your makeup drawer"- "clean out your sock drawer". They're all doable, even with a toddler running around. (Oh my gosh-- I will technically be the mother of a toddler in less than three months) 6. Craft once a month. I love to craft, but the problem lies in making time to craft. I need to get an inventory of my supplies and go to town on a project that's fun and not stressful. 7.Learn to sew or crochet. I have more and will continue later. :)

Sprained ankle madness!

Yesterday shaped up to be a pretty hectic day for all of us. I was not really prepared for what happened, but I had been prepared for all the things I had to get accomplished! You see, Brandon told me on Monday night that we would be having overnight guests on Wednesday night. I was in company mode. We had a family thing on Tuesday that carved about five hours out of my day, so when we got home-- I was a cleaning machine. Cleaning sheets, towels, vacuuming, getting the kitchen decluttered, etc. I had to get all of it done before Wednesday because Wednesday was full for me as well. I had Natalie's nine month well visit at 9:30. We got there five minutes late. :/ I blame it on the construction on Mt. Juliet Rd. I hate construction. That's just a sidenote. If you're curious about her well visit, she weighed 22.14 lbs and was 29.5 inches long, off the charts. She got her little toe pricked for iron levels and didn't make a peep. Her iron's low, so we had to call in an iron supplement. I'm stumped on that because there's iron in her cereal and in her formula. Nothing to be too concerned about, but I hate that I have to supplement. Anyhow, on the way back to Lebanon from the doctor, we stopped over at my mom's house because it was her birthday! I had brought her gift and just wanted her to see Natalie really quick before I took her over to her other grandmother's house for the day since I was going to be working. My mom decided to go get us lunch really quick, so I stayed a bit longer. We had our lunch and then I loaded Natalie back into the car. I realized that I had left my drink inside the house and asked if my mom would run back in and get it for me. I followed behind her so she wouldn't have to meet me all the way back at her driveway. And I guess when I was walking, I stubbed my toe. I don't remember much from there, but I fell down and bent my ankle sideways. I heard a loud pop/crack and immediately started screaming to get my mom's attention. I thought I had broken my foot because 1) the pop 2) the immediate sick, hot feeling that came over me. I couldn't move. I couldn't feel my foot at first, and then this searing pain shot up my leg. It was something like I've never felt before, and then I was just writhing on the ground screaming for my mama. It took me a while to get up. I kind of had to army crawl to the steps and then attempt to lift myself up. I couldn't put any weight on my foot, and seconds into the ordeal my foot had ballooned up to double its size, with a big lump appearing on the side of the foot I had fallen on. I could have sworn it was a bone poking through the skin, and I freaked the freak out. My mom helped me inside and I banged my foot against the door which didn't help things. I collapsed in a chair and had her call my boss as I tried to collect myself and not hyperventilate. I kind of turn into a weanie when I get hurt. I usually have a high pain tolerance, but you should have seen my foot. It was bad! In fact, I'll post a picture in just a few minutes. Gross. Painful. My mom and grandma took me to the emergency room, and then my mom dropped Natalie off at Don and Lydia's. I was admitted pretty quickly because of a family friend who worked there. She told them I was her niece. I was wheelchaired into a room, helped on to a table and x-rayed. The techs thought it was definitely broken, but it turned out to be a popped blood vessel ( the crack/pop I heard), pulled tendons (also the sound), and a bad sprain. At the time, my pain level was 7 on a scale of 1-10. I had no idea it would get to 10 before the night was over. I was sent from the hospital with a prescription for two painkillers, one of them that would help me to sleep. I thought that I still had one of them left over from when I was recovering from the c-section, so I wasn't in a hurry to fill them since I just wanted to go home and prop up my foot. They also gave me crutches and an air boot splint. By 5pm, I was searching like a mad woman for the pain pill and realized that I didn't have the high dosage of ibuprofen left. It was the stool softener!! Let's face it, that would not have helped matters! So... I called my mom to come back and get me from home so we could fill the prescription. At that point, I felt like I was being dismembered. My foot was so swollen, and the ice was only making it hurt more. I think I cried from the moment I hung up with her until she got there. It was worse than the labor pains I felt or the pain of an epidural. It was so bad. And I was still trying to get the hang of crutches and our stairs. So....needless to say, we got Natalie, got the prescription filled, and came here to my mom's house. I got out of today's shift at work thanks to my boss's sweet wife and now I'm recovering. My foot is still throbbing and not sustaining any weight, but the painkillers are good once they get into my system. And now... I leave you with this. It's a bit more bruised and nasty looking today. This was taken yesterday right after it was elevated and after x-ray. Speaking of x-ray, they asked if I was pregnant about 50 times before performing x-ray. Made me nervous.

Natalie's Christmas Haul ;)

So I have had an absolute blast Christmas shopping for our Natalie. There's just something so special about this Christmas. We are so happy to have her here, and she's the age where she can be fun and still not destroy everything (the tree, Christmas presents...). :) Also, the wrapping paper will probably thrill her more this year than anything else, so there's a chance we can just re-wrap and give some of this stuff to her for her birthday! I don't believe in having a ton of toys out at once because she gets overwhelmed and not everything gets played with. So, are you curious to see what our little Miss will find under the tree this year? This is more or less for my reference because I have to jot down everything I've gotten her so I can quit spending money! Brandon's orders. Discipline, restraint, all things I need to have. 1. Meowsic Cat Piano

I found this gem almost as soon as I returned to work from maternity leave! I was waking up super early in order to make it to work on time, and some mornings I had enough time to kill half an hour in Target. I kept walking by this toy on my lunchbreak and finally bit the bullet and bought it. I thought that the microphone was one that would record her voice, but it's just for echo purposes. Anyhow, this is pretty much a casio for babies! There's an organ setting, a piano setting, a "meow" setting, samba, etc. Very cute and fun bright colors. Natalie's already played with it because I didn't have the heart to just shove it aside for months. Besides, I wanted to play with it! So far, she's enjoyed it. She likes to bite on the microphone. :) I'm planning on wrapping it and sticking it under the tree, though, because Brandon doesn't know about it! 2. Classical Stacker

At six months old, Natalie still didn't really have any educational toys, so this is my late attempt at teaching her the basics of stacking. Not too exciting, but it plays music and lights up. Babies love that stuff! 3. Dinosaur Ball Popper Thing

This was on sale at Target the day after Thanksgiving, and I thought it looked cool. I think the balls just pop up in the belly of the dinosaur and she has to retrieve them and put them back in. The balls are big enough that she won't choke on them. Looked fun, time will tell. The baby on the box looked like she was having a good time, and the reviews for this product were high on amazon. 4. Picnic Basket

Shapes and manners, colors and lights. All the bells and whistles that go into a successful baby toy!! 5. Mega Blocks-her first blocks!

She also got a couple of Veggie Tale movies, some books, a baby care giftset of lotion and bath wash, and a new hooded towel. I think she's set from us!! And last night her daddy bought her two sets of pajamas! He loves his little girl in footie sleepers. It's hilarious to see the teeny newborn sleepers and then the HUGE 18 month ones that Natalie's currently in right now. It makes me crave a newborn again. And there's no telling what Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins have in store... I get overwhelmed when I try to think of where all of this will fit, but I am so happy for her and the fact that I have a reason to have a toy of baby toys all over the house. She won't be a baby for long, and this time is precious to us. :) Maybe that will help you guys in way of gifts if you have a little one to buy for. Most of this product is designed for babies 6-36 months, so it's a large age range. :)

Operation Lose Weight to Get Pregnant Again

So, we've seriously been contemplating adding another little one to our happy little nest. We want to have our babies close together so they can be friends, potty train closely, etc. We basically want to get the sleepless nights out of the way while we're still young and can handle it.

Now, that being said... I am still hovering around my discharge weight from the hospital back in March. I would like to seriously lose about 15-20 lbs before we try for the next one. I am around 175ish lbs. I would really like to be 160 before we start trying again. And I would love to not gain as much weight as I did with Natalie. I didn't know what being pregnant was supposed to feel like, so I used it as an excuse to eat a lot and be lazy and whine. Now I know that won't fly while I'm picking up our house and taking care of a little one. I don't have time to eat a lot. I eat here and there, whenever time allows, and I don't always make the wisest choices because I grab what's quick and available.

So these are my goals. I think we'd probably like to start trying again in January or February, meaning the baby would be due near late November or early-December. I would work up until the day before I had this baby, and then I'd probably just go with another c-section since I don't know what active labor feels like. It would take the guess work out of it, and I wouldn't have drugs pumped into me all the livelong day and be comatose when they brought me my child.

I may or may not breastfeed. It was so hard with Natalie because my milk was delayed and then almost nonexistant. I love the idea of it, but I don't get warm fuzzies from it or feel that I must do this to be a great mom. I think sleep and showers would make me an even better mom, and I just didn't have time for those when I was chained to the breastpump or had Natalie stuck to my boob. I would always dread a feeding because I knew I wasn't giving her enough. I even had to take her to the doctor because she was dehydrated. I am fine with Similac sensitive. Natalie has had mostly that in her system since about six weeks old, and she's a happy, healthy, thriving baby.

I am going to get on medication as soon as I start acting weird. The first time around I couldn't cope with just having a baby. I didn't know what to do, and I felt so lost. I wanted to put out the vibe that I had it all together, but I was really scared and disorganized and terrified to be alone with Natalie. I cleaned around the clock to burn off nervous energy and would get annoyed when she woke up and I was in the middle of a task. Now we're like glue. She goes where I go, and everything's so much better because of her. And zoloft has saved me from insanity.

I have to get on prenatals again, and I need to talk to my doctor about weaning myself off of the zoloft. She's fine with me being on that medication while pregnant, but all of the commercials about birth defects have me a little worried. I am going to schedule a visit to have a long talk with her.

That being said, yay. I'm so excited and glad that Brandon is on the same page.

Other than that, the other thing that I'm excited about are Natalie's first Christmas and planning her first birthday. I'm decided on doing a Minnie Mouse theme since she's obsessed with the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. My mom's going to make a Minnie pillowcase dress, Lydia's going to make a Minnie cake, and I'm going to pretty much be in charge of the table scaping and everything else. Etsy and pinterest have helped in way of inspiration, and I can't believe kids have such cool parties these days! My childhood birthdays couldn't hold a candle to what cool things that go on now!

In other news, Natalie is talking!! She can say "hot" "mama" "nana" "dadda" and "blue". Random assortment of words! She doesn't know the meaning of any of these words; they're just fun to say!

Updating a bit more... :) (and a crazy vent about crafting_

I have an annoucement to make!!!! A rather big announcement!! My macbook, you know, the one that's been dead since 10-10-10, is on its way to being in working order again!! It's a big deal to me, folks. I've been relying on the charity of my parents for internet and ocasionally stealing Brandon's work computer away from him when he's home. It's really made me realize how dependent I was on my facebook connections and blogging. While my blogs were away from me, I had a lot of time to devote to learning to be a mommy... but, I really could have used some blogging action while on maternity leave when all Natalie did was sleep....

Anyhow, I am so excited. I made the mistake of thinking it was going to be a bajillion dollars to fix it, but we looked into it, and it's a free diagnostic and then only $100 to wipe clean and re-install. Wowsa.

So, what's new in our little world? Well, we (Brandon and I) are both working pretty hard. The holidays are always pretty stressful for us and we rarely have time to hang out and be married folks, but we're doing well. Natalie's on her way to being a big girl. I just made the leap and bought her a new carseat tonight-- this one, $120 brand spanking new. This is a $300 carseat. I am pretty stoked. I love Essex retail outlet. Tennessee has a rear-facing carseat recommendation until age 2, so it was a pretty big decision. Natalie was growing out of her Graco infant carrier and killing my arm as I attempted to transport her between grandmothers, so we had to bite the bullet. It was getting to the point where I couldn't put a coat on her because her carseat wouldn't fasten around her. Warmth or live-saving? Why not both? All in all, well worth it for my sanity and her safety.

Also, another big change in our world-- we moved Natalie into her room. We dismantled the crib, gained back our bedroom, and have decided to rely on the baby monitor and pray for the best. So far, so good. A little night waking here and there, but she's mostly a sound sleeper. We usually bring her back into our bed between 4am-and when we have to be up for work for snuggles or coaxing her back to sleep. She's a good cuddler, and I want that to last for as long as she's up for it!

I'm realizing as I write this how many of my friends have never met Natalie. It seems hard to believe that I haven't seen some people for almost a year. And speaking of almost a year, I have about three months to plan Natalie's first birthday party. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a Minnie Mouse theme, but I can't decide if it's going to be family only or if I want to invite our friends. Natalie doesn't really have any friends... lol... I feel bad typing that, but we're not members of a mommy group, don't have a church home where she's made nursery friends (we visit around a lot and the crowd is always different--have not seen the same kid twice!), and don't really know any of our neighbors since our neighbors don't venture outside in the winter months or when we're home! Seriously-- they all disappear inside after 5pm, and that's when we're walking in the door--past 6pm. I'm wondering if it would be rude to not invite them? I don't know the etiquette involving neighbors and birthday parties...how do my local friends feel about a first birthday party? Sorry-- I don't have mommy friends!! I feel so isolated because I work!!

Also, I have realized that a lot of mommies out there are mean and judgmental. I don't mean to be that way myself, but goodness gracious! I have overheard women just tearing each other apart over their parenting skills, and geez-- is it really worth it to just hear yourself talk? Do you really need to validate yourself? Being a mom is hard work, and it would be nice to get encouragement from other moms. I mean, 9 times out of ten, we're the ones feeling dumb, so making us feel even more dumb just isn't cool. And... for all the times I've rolled my eyes at moms not having their stuff together or having the guts to discipline their child, I'm sorry. I understand. I have never yet had to discipline Natalie, but I do not have it together. I am always leaving something out of my diaper bag, forgetting to bring formula to my mom's house, or losing shoes and socks. And... I am always...always...always running late. It doesn't matter what time I leave my subdivision. It doesn't matter if I wake up thirty minutes early or even an hour early-- it's just a fact. I'm always a minute, five minutes, or twenty minutes late. There's always something fun to bridge the gap between the time I'm supposed to leave and the time I actually do leave-- a dirty diaper, a misplaced pacifier, "OMG, did I really just lose the keys I JUST had in my hand?!?!", spit-up in my hair... wow.

Another random thought. I need modpodge. A lot of it. I just want a week of nonstop crafting binges. I always collect supplies to do stuff and then I get home and see my wreck of a house and forget about the fun things because I'm doing laundry or washing dishes or wiping up chewed up baby food from the floor. :) I guess I could let the chores build up for a day or so, but my mind doesn't work that way. I only like to craft when I feel like there's nothing else that can possibly be done to my house... so I never craft. I always clean! And then I collapse into bed and hope Natalie doesn't trigger the baby monitor.

BUT...when my house is pristine and spotless... I have pinterest and a treasure trove of crafty ideas to fall back on. It's like the neverending story of perfection. I don't understand how people do it, like, how do you have all this time and energy to endlessly create these things? How do your homes look like magazines? Tell me! I must know!! All you SAHMs, I'm so jealous I could scream. All I want to do is stay at home and learn to be domestic... and craft, and clean, and homeschool... and can things and then distribute my canned jams and apple butters as Christmas gifts... tied with burlap and a cutesy little tag cut out by my cricut! (You guys have it MADE.}

I have more to write, oh so much more, but Natalie woke up crying...off to tend to her! :)

EDIT: This post was written a couple of days ago, and I am now just getting around to posting it.

I don't think I want to craft as much as I say I do. Okay, here's the thing. I don't think I really like the idea of crafting. In fact, I absolutely hate dragging out supplies, making a mess, and making mistakes along the way. I get frustrated if things aren't perfect the first time I attempt them. That's why I have never finished anything in my life. I flutter around liking the "IDEA" of things until I attempt them. Example: Everybody and their mama has an etsy shop. I don't. I don't actually have time for one, but what the heck-- looks fun, could make a buck, how hard can it be? HARD. Pretty crazy hard if you a. don't know what to make b. aren't good at making it c. just don't have time d. have lost a glue gun (the crafter's staple). I think I just get jealous of peoples' creativity and attempt to mimic them (imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery, you know). I don't know, maybe concentrating on making a meal for my husband or reading a good book would be a good way to unwind... instead of making my blood pressure go through the roof by not being able to paint on an ornament or glue a fabric rosette to a frame.

Eh-- have you just ever had one of those days? I think I go through periods of wanting to find myself creativity and then make a mistake and whirl into a depression? You see, I find myself to be an artist at heart, and that's why this matters to me. I know it's silly. I just don't know what kind of art makes me passionate. See, I have unwritten stories in my head, cool things to make in my mind (never think about those things when I go to the craft store), and a billion different ways to re-do my house... but sometimes...it just doesn't even matter.

Anyways, just had to vent somewhere that I was annoyed and frustrated. And although it's silly, it mattered for a brief moment in time. :)