Musings of a Wife and Mommy: Jami Style: May 2011

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Missing her already...

I have such a heavy heart right now. In two weeks, I will be back at work and my routine will be changing. I will be waking up around 5:00 in the morning to be at work by 8:00 and will be getting both myself and my little one ready for the day at either one of her grandmothers' houses. I will probably be rushed and frazzled until I get it nailed down, and I will probably cry the first couple of days until it becomes the "norm".

I'm going to have to let go of what I've called the "norm" for almost three months.

I don't know if Natalie will ever read her mom's blog or if blogs will even be around by the time she can read. Who knows? But I would like for Natalie to know that being her mother has been the greatest honor and privilege I've ever had. Even in this short, small amount of time-- I have grown to love in a way that I did not imagine myself capable. My heart breaks at the idea of leaving her, but I know I'm too stir crazy to do this permanently and that I will be providing for her by going back. She will be in the care of her grandparents who love her very much, and it'll get easier over time.

Tonight, though, I just want to cry because I've had her all to myself for these two months and two weeks. I've seen almost every giggle, smile, and cry. I've given her almost every one of her feedings. etc. I wish I could wear her to work!

Anyhow, I just had to jot it down...blah, blah...got to make some more bottles.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

2 month update

Natalie,
Hey sweetie! You turned two months old on May the 18th. I don't remember what we did that day, but it was probably raining! Due to some problems with insurance, we haven't had your two month appointment or shots yet (you're probably happy about that), so I don't really know how much you weigh or how long you are. I would assume you are around 12 lbs and probably 24 inches. You are wearing size 0-3 months in onesies and shirts, but you have to wear size 3-6 months in sleepers and pants because you are SO LONG! You're a size one in diapers, but we have a box of size one-two, and you'll be in those pretty soon!

You are almost sleeping through the night now, though you sometimes revert back to your newborn self and wake up every 2-3 hours. I try not to be grumpy, but sometimes I'm comatose!

For the past month, you've been taking a really active interest in your surroundings. You smile and laugh, and you look for your mommy and daddy when you hear our voices in the room. You smile more and more, and I can usually get a giggle out of you when changing your diapers, which, by the way, are STINKY.

You are a growing girl, and you eat about 4-5 oz of formula every 3-4 hours. If you're in a deep sleep, you can sometimes go for 7-8 hours without a bottle. That's mostly during the night. You only go for about five hours when you're cat-napping. Which, speaking of, you don't really cat nap too much during the day. You're too busy checking out the cats, talking to your bouncy chair, or wanting your mommy!

We changed you to Similac Sensitive formula on May 11th because you were getting a lot of belly pains with the advanced kind. You took to this very well and have been spitting up less and less! No more mylicon drops and sleepless nights (well, for the most part).

You don't really enjoy bath time. You get about three real baths a week and two wipe-downs every day, sometimes more if you're especially spit-uppy. We have to get all of the formula from out of your chins. :)

You are such a joy, and I hate that I have to go back to work in a less than three weeks. I have had such a blast with my Natalie! You are precious, but I know you are going to have fun and be so loved by your grandparents throughout the work day. The work day will hopefully go faster because I'm working towards the goal of coming home to you!

I love you, Natalie!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Weight Watchers

I am starting Weight Watchers (again). I want to have the energy to be the best mama to my baby girl, so I need to do something to get back down to the slimmer version of myself from about five years ago. I would also like to look better, but my biggest priority is sticking around and being healthy for Natalie. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, and cancer run on both sides of my family, so...yeah. Not that weight loss contributes to a lesser risk of cancer, but cancer is primarily fought by eating lots of fruits and veggies. That's something I've always needed to work on.

Anyhow, here are my stats. I'm not too embarrassed because I did grow a life inside of me for nine months. I do hope to weigh less the next time I get pregnant, though, because it's more painful the heavier you get! Wish I had thought that one through the first time. You live, you learn.

Highest Pregnancy Weight: 207 (I lie. I weighed more the first few days postpartum because all of the fluid that was pumped into me. This was the highest weight caused by pregnancy-related things, though.)
Current: 180
Goal: 150ish or less, depending on how I feel.
YAY!

Monday, May 9, 2011

PSYCHO MOMMY RANT

This is my 150th post. Too bad it has to be a sad one. Okay, I am so not ready to return to work. I know I'm one of the lucky ones that got twelve weeks of maternity leave, but it's not enough time for me. I am begging and pleading with God that he let me stay home with my baby girl. Maybe I have royal blood or something. Maybe I'll find a lottery ticket. Maybe there will be a mistake and we've paid too much on insurance and get a check back from the hospital. I cannot do this.

It's not a guilt thing. It's a desire-of-my-heart kind of thing. She's my first child, and I don't want to miss a moment with her (other than stepping into the next room to write this journal entry). I'm JEALOUS for her. ( I had never understood that part of scripture, God being jealous for us, until I saw Natalie's face.) I actually get BITTER every time she's referred to as someone else's Natalie or is carried out of my arms and into another room. Am I psychotic? I don't want to share her. I get protective, close down, and then I'm no fun!

And I think people, especially Brandon, are starting to feel it. I'm trying to compile a list of preferences that I have for her for her two Grandmas that will be watching her, but I keep hitting walls. I will write something, repeat it a couple of times, and think that it sounds offensive. I am not really in the business of wanting to hurt feelings, but I have my standards.

I can't help but be jealous of the grandmas. I know that's so silly. I feel like eight hours is going to be such a long time away from me that she'll forget me. Will I even make her smile anymore, or will she have to warm up to me after me being away all day? And I WILL DIE if she says "Grandma" first. (I'm convinced that one of them is conspiring for that to be her first word.)

I have a little over a month left, and I am so worried that it'll slip by too quickly. Natalie, stay a baby forever. I love and miss you so much already! Your cry has changed, and it HURTS MY HEART.

SOMEONE COME CRY WITH ME. I'M PSYCHOTIC.