Updating a bit more... :) (and a crazy vent about crafting_

I have an annoucement to make!!!! A rather big announcement!! My macbook, you know, the one that's been dead since 10-10-10, is on its way to being in working order again!! It's a big deal to me, folks. I've been relying on the charity of my parents for internet and ocasionally stealing Brandon's work computer away from him when he's home. It's really made me realize how dependent I was on my facebook connections and blogging. While my blogs were away from me, I had a lot of time to devote to learning to be a mommy... but, I really could have used some blogging action while on maternity leave when all Natalie did was sleep....

Anyhow, I am so excited. I made the mistake of thinking it was going to be a bajillion dollars to fix it, but we looked into it, and it's a free diagnostic and then only $100 to wipe clean and re-install. Wowsa.

So, what's new in our little world? Well, we (Brandon and I) are both working pretty hard. The holidays are always pretty stressful for us and we rarely have time to hang out and be married folks, but we're doing well. Natalie's on her way to being a big girl. I just made the leap and bought her a new carseat tonight-- this one, $120 brand spanking new. This is a $300 carseat. I am pretty stoked. I love Essex retail outlet. Tennessee has a rear-facing carseat recommendation until age 2, so it was a pretty big decision. Natalie was growing out of her Graco infant carrier and killing my arm as I attempted to transport her between grandmothers, so we had to bite the bullet. It was getting to the point where I couldn't put a coat on her because her carseat wouldn't fasten around her. Warmth or live-saving? Why not both? All in all, well worth it for my sanity and her safety.

Also, another big change in our world-- we moved Natalie into her room. We dismantled the crib, gained back our bedroom, and have decided to rely on the baby monitor and pray for the best. So far, so good. A little night waking here and there, but she's mostly a sound sleeper. We usually bring her back into our bed between 4am-and when we have to be up for work for snuggles or coaxing her back to sleep. She's a good cuddler, and I want that to last for as long as she's up for it!

I'm realizing as I write this how many of my friends have never met Natalie. It seems hard to believe that I haven't seen some people for almost a year. And speaking of almost a year, I have about three months to plan Natalie's first birthday party. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a Minnie Mouse theme, but I can't decide if it's going to be family only or if I want to invite our friends. Natalie doesn't really have any friends... lol... I feel bad typing that, but we're not members of a mommy group, don't have a church home where she's made nursery friends (we visit around a lot and the crowd is always different--have not seen the same kid twice!), and don't really know any of our neighbors since our neighbors don't venture outside in the winter months or when we're home! Seriously-- they all disappear inside after 5pm, and that's when we're walking in the door--past 6pm. I'm wondering if it would be rude to not invite them? I don't know the etiquette involving neighbors and birthday parties...how do my local friends feel about a first birthday party? Sorry-- I don't have mommy friends!! I feel so isolated because I work!!

Also, I have realized that a lot of mommies out there are mean and judgmental. I don't mean to be that way myself, but goodness gracious! I have overheard women just tearing each other apart over their parenting skills, and geez-- is it really worth it to just hear yourself talk? Do you really need to validate yourself? Being a mom is hard work, and it would be nice to get encouragement from other moms. I mean, 9 times out of ten, we're the ones feeling dumb, so making us feel even more dumb just isn't cool. And... for all the times I've rolled my eyes at moms not having their stuff together or having the guts to discipline their child, I'm sorry. I understand. I have never yet had to discipline Natalie, but I do not have it together. I am always leaving something out of my diaper bag, forgetting to bring formula to my mom's house, or losing shoes and socks. And... I am always...always...always running late. It doesn't matter what time I leave my subdivision. It doesn't matter if I wake up thirty minutes early or even an hour early-- it's just a fact. I'm always a minute, five minutes, or twenty minutes late. There's always something fun to bridge the gap between the time I'm supposed to leave and the time I actually do leave-- a dirty diaper, a misplaced pacifier, "OMG, did I really just lose the keys I JUST had in my hand?!?!", spit-up in my hair... wow.

Another random thought. I need modpodge. A lot of it. I just want a week of nonstop crafting binges. I always collect supplies to do stuff and then I get home and see my wreck of a house and forget about the fun things because I'm doing laundry or washing dishes or wiping up chewed up baby food from the floor. :) I guess I could let the chores build up for a day or so, but my mind doesn't work that way. I only like to craft when I feel like there's nothing else that can possibly be done to my house... so I never craft. I always clean! And then I collapse into bed and hope Natalie doesn't trigger the baby monitor.

BUT...when my house is pristine and spotless... I have pinterest and a treasure trove of crafty ideas to fall back on. It's like the neverending story of perfection. I don't understand how people do it, like, how do you have all this time and energy to endlessly create these things? How do your homes look like magazines? Tell me! I must know!! All you SAHMs, I'm so jealous I could scream. All I want to do is stay at home and learn to be domestic... and craft, and clean, and homeschool... and can things and then distribute my canned jams and apple butters as Christmas gifts... tied with burlap and a cutesy little tag cut out by my cricut! (You guys have it MADE.}

I have more to write, oh so much more, but Natalie woke up crying...off to tend to her! :)

EDIT: This post was written a couple of days ago, and I am now just getting around to posting it.

I don't think I want to craft as much as I say I do. Okay, here's the thing. I don't think I really like the idea of crafting. In fact, I absolutely hate dragging out supplies, making a mess, and making mistakes along the way. I get frustrated if things aren't perfect the first time I attempt them. That's why I have never finished anything in my life. I flutter around liking the "IDEA" of things until I attempt them. Example: Everybody and their mama has an etsy shop. I don't. I don't actually have time for one, but what the heck-- looks fun, could make a buck, how hard can it be? HARD. Pretty crazy hard if you a. don't know what to make b. aren't good at making it c. just don't have time d. have lost a glue gun (the crafter's staple). I think I just get jealous of peoples' creativity and attempt to mimic them (imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery, you know). I don't know, maybe concentrating on making a meal for my husband or reading a good book would be a good way to unwind... instead of making my blood pressure go through the roof by not being able to paint on an ornament or glue a fabric rosette to a frame.

Eh-- have you just ever had one of those days? I think I go through periods of wanting to find myself creativity and then make a mistake and whirl into a depression? You see, I find myself to be an artist at heart, and that's why this matters to me. I know it's silly. I just don't know what kind of art makes me passionate. See, I have unwritten stories in my head, cool things to make in my mind (never think about those things when I go to the craft store), and a billion different ways to re-do my house... but sometimes...it just doesn't even matter.

Anyways, just had to vent somewhere that I was annoyed and frustrated. And although it's silly, it mattered for a brief moment in time. :)