Things I love and hate about pregnancy...and Christmas!

I hope this post doesn't come across as annoying or full of complaints. I am so ecstatic to be having a baby that I cannot contain myself sometimes, but I am not overjoyed with the state of being "pregnant". I realize that it's something that I have to do in order to eventually hold my sweet Natalie in my arms, but other than that, I am 100% over the feelings that accompany pregnancy, and I still have thirteen weeks to go (if she comes on time and all that).

That being said, I am sure that I will want to have a second and third child. But, let me get through the labor and birth process with this one, k?

Anyhow, let's get the bad out of the way because no one wants to dwell on that, and this is just a mini therapy session of sorts.

1. I cannot STAND gaining weight. I started out this pregnancy at around 20-30 lbs more than I wanted to, and seeing the numbers creeping up on the scale (no matter the greatness of the cause) terrify me.
2. Fat face. You can group this in with gaining weight, but my face is massive. There were some candid pictures of me taken last night while I was opening presents. Lemme just say that I did not like what I saw. And lemme just say I fell into an enormous depression because I'm all self-absorbed and shallow like that. My chins have chins. I refuse to believe the well-meaning people who say I'm "glowing" and that I really "make pregnancy beautiful". Frankly, that's a load of horsecrap, you guys. I look like Cartman. I have been beat with the ugly stick, and there's no turning back! Pregnancy IS beautiful, but it doesn't make me beautiful.
3. Not being able to sleep comfortably. I miss sleeping on my belly or my back, and it's hard to find a balance with a pillow between my legs. Also, our bed feels like it's getting smaller. I want a recliner put into our room so I can actually feel well-rested. I fell asleep twice at my mom's yesterday in their recliner, so I'm assured that is the only way I can get a fabulous sleep.
4. Charlie horses. Every single night. One night I just gave in and started whimpering and screaming until I woke Brandon up so he could ask me what was wrong.
5. My pants keep falling down. Okay, I have never been blessed with a butt. I hate that. I inherited the flat butt of my father, not the voluptuous backside of my mother's family. With the gut expanding, I'm terrified that I'm going to lose my pants one day. And no one wants to see the wonderful expanse of cellulite across my rear. No one. I even cringe.
6. Maternity clothes. Yes, they're cute. And yes, you can have too many of them. I just want to shop at regular places again. I got a ton of maternity clothes for Christmas, and while I need them-- I am not excited about my entire closet being hijacked by them.
7. Makeup not looking the same. I know this sounds weird, but I have discolorations on my face from the pregnancy. It's a hormonal thing that happens to some people. I love makeup, but I have not enjoyed it while pregnant.
8. Swelling feet. Holy cow, cankles. I feel like I have a pillow beneath my right foot. It's that swollen.
9. I break chairs. Yes, that's right. I fell through a kitchen chair at my parents' house on Christmas eve. My parents have an older kitchen table (2o + years). I sat down in the chair that they put on the opposite side of the table where no one usually sits. (It was there because it wasn't sturdy.) When I sat down, I thought it felt funny. . . well, 20 minutes later it gave way, and I was on the floor. Cue my mother's breakdown and questioning every thirty seconds if the baby was moving and my dad hurling the offending chair into the yard. Cue coarse language and a bruise on my butt.
10. I cannot drown out my sorrows in chocolate or diet coke. At least not the way I want to.
11. People keep telling me their own birth horror stories.
12. I HATE MY HAIR. And Brandon won't let me cut it because he looooooves it long. I have no idea why. It looks like a dead animal crawled up there and died.
13. I'm going to only get bigger from here.
14. That whole birthing thing. It's going to come out of WHAT?!
15. I still have to work.

Things I LOVE!
1. Natalie Grace.
2. I can stick out my belly.
3. I don't really have stretch marks like I thought I would. '
4. I love to feel her moving around in there.
5. I love that people have been a little more courteous here and there.
6. My skin, although discolored, is softer.
7. Closer parking spots.
8. The element of surprise. When will I have my baby? Is she going to come early, right on time, what?
9. Baby showers!
10. Baby clothes.
11. Dragging Brandon around different baby stores.
12. People coming up and asking me when I'm due, what the baby is, if they can touch my belly. I love that part. It makes me feel not as repulsive if people actually want to approach me.
13. Nursery.


There's so much more, believe me. The good outweighs the bad, but now I can't think!

Anyhow, I hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas and were able to truly celebrate what it means. We had a fun weekend of family and friends! On Christmas eve, we went over to my parents' house for the Sullivan family Christmas.

We exchanged our 12 month gift boxes, had a huge dinner, and there was much happiness. I had drawn my uncle Shannon's name and had a difficult time filling his box, but I think he ended up with some good stuff.

1. Blind Side movie
2. Hachi movie
3. Candle (haha)
4. Alabama shirt
5. Alabama beanie
6. Old Navy pajama bottoms in AL colors with white polar bears.
7.Bath and Body Works Citron spray for men ( hope he liked it)
8. $10 Tractor Supply Gift Card
9. $15 Tractor Supply Gift Card

I know I didn't have 12 gifts, but there was supposedly a limit as to what we were supposed to spend... haha.

My mom drew my name, so I got a ton of good things! She knows me, so it was easy for her to think up little things that I might enjoy. I got a lot of jewelry, some souvenirs from her cruise (haha), a cute magnet, an ornament for Natalie, this awesome little cat light, a book light, a key finder (hehe- she knows how often I misplace my keys.) To top it off, she also got me an Old Navy gift card! WOW!

Brandon drew my cousin's wife, Amber. And while he really didn't participate in the box like I did, his money went toward supplying her with a ton of things that I liked. :)
Makeup bags, magnets, Bath and Body works stuff, a cute wallet, Target gift card, gloves, lip gloss. . . you know, all the fun things that ladies love. Well, I don't know her that well, so I hope she at least liked what we picked out. I mean, what *I* picked out.

My grandma drew Brandon's name, and he got most of the stuff that I did from my mom, minus the jewelry. My mom and Grandma were often together when they were getting these gifts, so they were on the same train of thought. ;) They only found out last month from each other who the other person had, so it was pretty funny to discover we had similar gifts going to the same house.

On Christmas morning, Brandon and I woke up and exchanged the presents we weren't supposed to get for each other. He got me two period films, Little Dorrit (BBC) and Louisa May Alcott's Inheritance. That was a total B- minus movie, so don't watch it. He felt bad, but it was only $5. How many duds have we bought in bargain bins? Too many. He also got me an Old Navy giftcard. If I can, I'm going to seriously hold off on redeeming it until after the baby. I am seriously tired of maternity clothes. I cannot wait to have a shopping spree when I shed the baby weight!!
I got him an amazon gift card, a Starbucks gift card, Bath and Body Works' Twilight Woods for men and a bag of Christmas M&Ms.

After that, we showered and went to my parents' house for a yummy Christmas breakfast. I'm not a breakfast person, but I seriously gave in to the bacon and eggs. I even had a bite of frozen pecan pie that Brandon insisted was the best thing ever. In its congealed state, it was pretty amazing.

My parents got us a Weber grill as a Christmas/housewarming present! I cannot wait to start using it. I'm not a big griller because I've never had one, but I cannot wait to make turkey burgers and other fun, healthy things on the grill. It helps that we have the screened in deck out back. That way, we can grill in the winter and not have to brave the ice and cold.

We also got a shop vac (perfect for cleaning out our funky cars to prepare for Natalie), a dryer ball that is supposed to really catch lint and cat hair and reduce wrinkles and the need for dryer sheets (win!), a Lowes giftcard for $50, a Mastercard giftcard for $50, the comforter that I wanted for our bed from Target (so pretty). Brandon got some pajama bottoms ( ironically the same ones we bought for my dad), and I got a robe and some non-skid socks for the delivery room. It was amazing! My parents really did a good job of spoiling us!

We got my dad a $50 Bass Pro giftcard, the pajama bottoms, and a night on the town with Brandon and his dad to see the Predators play next Sunday night. I bought my mom this adorable coat from QVC , a $25 giftcard to Homegoods ( she rarely uses gift cards, but I hope she takes advantage of this one since I broke her kitchen chair!) some red pajama bottoms with candy cane hearts (adorbs), a watch, and a pair of earrings. I think she liked her haul. I'm never sure with her, but I think she definitely appreciated the pretty coat. Red is her color, and she looked fabulous, whether or not she'll admit it.

Part 2 to come... I stink and need a shower in the worst way.

Haha, and I'm tired of watching the little neighbor boy slide around on his mini-John Deere tractor. . .

Merry Christmas!!!

So... Merry Christmas, guys!!! AND... Natalie is only three months away!! I sometimes feel like she's going to come any minute. Hope you guys have a wonderful holiday, eat until you can't move, and have fun celebrating the birth of our wonderful Jesus.

I'm currently watching Tori and Dean on Oxygen and trying to straighten this house up before we make the weekend runaround!

Stubborn dog, cancelled plans

I've not had a good day. It's not made of the typical "bad day" sort of stuff. It's just been sort of "blah". I've started to experience Braxton Hicks contractions, and they are not fun at all! It's like a shooting stab of pain that comes out of nowhere and leaves you breathless. It's not dehabilitating, but I definitely have to stop and take a break every now and then. That, and I think morning sickness is rearing its ugly head for the third trimester.

Brandon and his dad have gone to Atlanta for a hockey game this weekend, so I was given the duty of walking our dog while he's away. I absolutely hate it! First off, the dog walks me, not vice-versa. And then he gets excited and jumps up on my belly! If all of that isn't enough, he also periodically attacks the neighbor's dogs. So embarrassing. And tonight, the little rascal didn't even try to go to the bathroom when I walked him. He's down in the basement now, and I don't look forward to the rancid mess that awaits me. It was enough to hurl me into a meltdown of sorts. "If I can't keep this dog from dragging me across the subdivision, how will I raise a child?!" I'm sure my screaming wasn't too attractive. The neighbor's dogs have collars and are technically not supposed to get on our lawn, but that didn't stop the sequence of events. . . and while she apologized, I felt like the idiot who shouldn't own a dog. I don't even like our dog half of the time. True story. I am a cat person. I feed and pet the dog because Brandon loves him, but I am not really bonded to him beyond that. I hate it because I want to enjoy the dog, but when push comes to shove, I just don't. He's a lot of work, and I don't feel like the pain is worth it half the time. I personally would like to be out a dog by the time the baby gets here, but that probably won't happen. That being said, I know it's my fault for bringing him home in the first place. In all honesty, if my father-in-law said he wanted him, I would gladly pack up his chew toys and ship him on his merry way. End rant.

I was supposed to meet my parents to go Christmas shopping tonight, but it's not going to happen. I was really looking forward to it, but after half an hour of begging the dog to poop and it not happening, I wasn't really feeling any Christmas cheer. Instead, I had angry tears streaming down my face and was really annoyed that I let our DOG ruin the evening. And then the hormones set in as I trudged upstairs. At one point, I was crying TO THE BABY that things we're going right and that I hoped I didn't screw her up like I evidently have screwed up the dog.

I think I'm going to call it an early night and go to bed. So exhausted, mentally and physically. I didn't know I could cry so much over a dog not pooping. I felt like a failure. Haha!

random mishmash

I don't know what it is, but I'm not super excited about Christmas this year. I'm not bluesy or anything, but it just seems rushed, and I think I'm so much looking forward to next year's Christmas that this one is passing in a blur. In truth, I'm just counting the days until the end of March.

So, anyhow. . . on a completely unrelated note, I stepped on the scale tonight and I am down 5 lbs from my last doctor's visit. I was fully clothed, so I think it was just Thanksgiving dinner that hung around for my prenatal visit and not me actually gaining more weight than I was supposed to. This makes me very happy, but I am wondering if I should be losing weight at all at this point? The doctor told me to avoid fast foods, sweets, and to do a lot of walking for the remainder of the pregnancy. Okay, so I cut most of that out for a week, and I'm down. I guess it was the mental shift from thinking pregnancy was an excuse to cram my face to actually seeking out alternatives to chicken nuggets and cookies. It's the Christmas season, so it is a little difficult to avoid sweets. They're, like, everywhere. I do sneak them in, though. :)

Anyhow, I finished my Christmas tree tonight. I'm not too proud of it, so I think I'll skip the pictures this year. It's just a little scrawny, and I didn't feel like pouring the usual effort into it. I thought that moving into a new house would mean that I would transform into a little Martha Stewart and conjure up all sorts of DIY projects, but life is so hectic. I can't imagine even finding the time to crank out the nursery. It seemed like such a priority a couple of months ago. It was all I thought about. Now that we have the room painted and are awaiting the furniture, it just seems like the scariest task ever.

Tonight, I've been thinking about "what ifs". Like, what if Natalie comes early? I've had a little bit of pain in my side for the last hour or so. While I don't think it signifies a contraction or anything, I know I have reached the "age of viability". If she came now, she would be almost 2 lbs. She would be in the NICU for a bit, but she would survive. We would have NOTHING for her here, save for a few outfits that would swallow her whole. And while she would be at the hospital for a good few weeks, we would have to throw together an emergency baby furnishing operation. As of now, we wouldn't even have a carseat to bring her home in! My baby showers probably won't take place until I'm eight months, so it's a daunting thought!

I could be reading about what I'm supposed to be expecting this week, but I would rather be in the dark about some things. I tend to stress myself out when I look into things. Like, instead of reading all the great information, I look at what could possibly go wrong at each stage. Right now, I have mastered avoidance. I'm sure if you looked at my google history for the first few months of this pregnancy, you'd find some scary things.

For right now, things are progressing and my doctor seems very pleased with how things are going. I have to go back at 28 weeks for a glucose test, but I'm hoping to pass that with flying colors and not be put on a strict diet with finger pricking for the rest of my pregnancy...

Anyhow, going to go clean up. . .

Tired. Hope it snows tonight, though we have church and lunch with new friends that I would hate to miss.

wants/needs/gimme gimme

I feel like I can breathe now. We are out of the rental house completely! No more worries about knocking down cobwebs from obscure corners or patching up nail holes. No more carting load after load of boxes from the old house to the new one. We finally have ONE house now. We still have a ton of boxes to work with, but I'm definitely making some progress on the pile. It wasn't so daunting to pack all this junk up, but I hate having to think of where I'm going to put it now. Can I just say this house is bigger but that it does not have as much storage as I'm used to?

Anyhow, I was walking around and surveying things and was making a mental list of the stuff I would like for this house. This is definitely not going to be immediate gratification kind of stuff, yet a lot of it is not expensive at all, just small things. I guess I inherited my mother's aversion to dropping $50.00 or more each time I go to the store. And I cannot stand to even think about pulling out my credit card. Call me old fashioned, but thinking about going into debt makes me panic. I keep repeating the mantra that it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.

So, without further adieu, here's my list. You guys may snicker at this, but whatever. :)

New dish towels- Haha, I know this sounds awfully stupid, but we got some of the ugliest dish towels known to man when we got married. And while I'm not a snob when it comes to the dish towel, I don't want to have crazy mismatched ones when company comes over.
New towels- same thing. We couldn't make up our mind over which color scheme we wanted for the bathroom, so we registered for a gazillion towels and never returned the ones that did not match because a) we were lazy b) we started using them. We have burgundy, yellow, brown, green, taupe, white, blue, and pink towels. It is a visual trainwreck under my bathroom cabinet.
Welcome mats and area rugs- We aren't so far gone that we've never had a welcome mat. They just never survive around us. Enter one cold, blustery day or a flood, and we're out a door mat. I cannot count how many times our welcome mat ended up in the shrubbery. I eventually threw it away and forgot to replace it.
Area rugs- I don't want terribly expensive ones because we have cats, but it would be nice to have an extra splash of color to the room and something soft for Natalie to crawl on when she gets old enough. Hardwoods are especially cold in the winter, and an area rug would warm the room nicely.
Black or dark brown picture frames with white or off-white mattes- I want to do something Ikea-esque up our staircase, on the wall above our couch, and on the wall above the desk in the "library". I have found some cheapy frames at Wal-Mart for $3.00 a pop, so this dream is not in the far distant future. It's just a matter of buying said frames and filling them up with pictures.
A custom frame for Brandon's uncle's painting- Brandon's uncle was a street vendor in Ukraine who created some awesome paintings. Brandon took it upon himself to try and staple the canvas to some plywood. It was a two-man job, and he did it by himself. Consequently, it's uneven and loose on the wood. I am not a fan. I do not hide this. I am not a block canvas sort of person. I like the dimension that frames add to art.
New bedding for master and guestroom- I have had the same discount Ross comforter for 3 years. It was $12.99 and was part of a collection from Kohl's. I dressed up the plain bedding with pillows. I love it, but we have a very deep mattress and it doesn't quite make the cut. We have a queen size bed, but we need king size bedding. We found a Pottery Barn set that we loved in July and waited for it to go on clearance. By the time it was marked down, we lost out! It's now listed on Ebay for $100 more than Pottery Barn was asking for it. Um, no thanks. I think I can sleep on my discount bedding for a little bit longer.

The guest room? Well, anything would be nice. I've never had a plan for that room.

Shelf for the laundry closet- I need a shelf for my detergent! I'm tired of shifting bleach and detergent from the top of the washer to the top of the dryer. I also need a place to put extra (ugly) towels and linens. ( No linen closet!!)
Closet organization thingies- shoe racks, purse racks, random rubbermaid things.
Cat doors-I want the cats to go potty down in the basement so I can assemble my guestroom. No one wants to smell that.

Nursery- I want to have my nursery cleared out so I can start imagining where Natalie's furniture is going to go.

Okay, I'm sure there's a lot more... just dreaming! :)

Dollar Store Clothing Haul 'cause Natalie is classy like that. ;)

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! I found these cuties at the Dollar General on our moving day!!!!! And I just found them again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM!! The bib kills me! It's so adorable!!

Has my neighbor seen me in my underwear?! LOL

Trying to acclimate myself to subdivision living...

So, our house backs up to some woods and our upstairs windows are usually open, right?

I'm vacuuming our guest room where the cats' litter box is currently stationed. This means a steady spray of cat litter on the floor every couple of days or so, so I have to keep it in check lest they track it all over the house.

Anyhow, I was vacuuming this morning in my underwear because it's probably how a lot of us newlyweds choose to do things when we don't have kids running underfoot and don't have our entire family there to walk in on such an embarrassing thing. We're trying to squeeze the last few months of this in before it's entirely off limits and we're banned to a life of sweats and t-shirts, though Brandon will likely ocasionally bust out the boxers for good measure. ( It's a whole lot better than my Dad and his briefs, lemme tell you, though Natalie may not think so!)
Anyhow, in the back of my mind I'm aware that we're in a subdivision and no longer have property that backs up to nothing but land, but I felt safe and secure because no houses are on the back side of our house. And then it strikes me that the woods are there and our next door neighbors hunts behind our house in the woods. I wonder how many times we've been seen walking around in our underwear. I wonder if they have a nickname for us. They've been MIA lately, so maybe we've frightened them away?


And while it's better than naked, my neighbor has probably seen me in my underwear. ( I'm just speculating, I don't know for certain...) I wonder how our next conversation will go. Anyhow, I promptly ran and grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt because hey, I'm pregnant, and this belly is massive. I keep telling myself it's like I was in a bathing suit, but now I feel all weirded out!

Haha, sometimes I miss acreage!

I have no creative taglines, sorry...

Hello, hello. It's 6am, and I have been wide awake and freezing since a little before 4am. I finally had to get up, put some thicker pajamas on, and trudge downstairs for some blog stalking and facebook prowling...

We have another ultrasound today, and I think I'm a little nervous and excited about that. Hopefully our little girl will cooperate and we'll be able to get a good look at her face and heart. I'm hoping and praying that everything goes normally and that there are no defects or concerns. I have no reason to believe that anything's wrong, but it concerns me a bit that she was on her belly the entire time last time. I've also had some spurts of movement from her followed by long periods of stillness, so I don't know. I guess that's normal, but every little thing you feel and don't feel in pregnancy makes you wonder.

Haha, I'm also a little nervous that we might find out she's a boy this time! I love little boys and would not be opposed to whatever God gives me, but I've already gone on a little shopping spree! Her umbilical cord was between her legs last time. The tech looked twice for us to make sure, but mistakes have been made from time to time, and I guess I'm thinking that if it happened to anyone, it would happen to the girl who's already had her baby's room painted a bright, cheery aqua and bought some undeniably girly outfits. ;)

I am so thankful for this baby, but there are times when I'm paralyzed by the fear of being a mother. I have never really been around newborns. As soon as I hold a baby, I am usually the one handing it right back after the obligatory bounce and butt pat. I don't know if it's pregnancy or sheer terror, but I get really overheated these days when I'm handed a baby. I could chalk it up to hormones and usually do, but I think it's the reality that I will be holding my own in four short months if all goes as planned.

And when it comes to baby registries and shopping for a baby, there are so many options out there. I tried to do some research and got seriously overwhelmed. There's my mother who thinks everything I get needs to come from a consignment store ("You won't use it for long! And you'll have way too much stuff you won't need! Why spend the money on new stuff when you can bleach it in clorox?") and then my mother-in-law who joked or was maybe serious about wanting to have her own shower so she'll have stuff at her house during the times she keeps Natalie. Two conflicting views, one frazzled mommy! I DON'T CARE!

That being said, there are only four items on my registry thus far.
An angel care movement monitor, $100-- it actually has some sort of sensor that will cause an alarm to go off if baby turns on her back or stops breathing. According to Target's reviews, this thing has been a lifesaver many times and has allowed panicked mommies to be able to sleep instead of waking up every thirty seconds to check on baby.

A changing pad. . . for all the yucky that will ensue.

A baby tub... for washing off all of the yucky.

And there was something else, but I can't remember. I want to drag Brandon up and down some baby aisles to help me make decisions, but I have a feeling he will be more overwhelmed than I am, and then we'll register for nothing because we'll say "Let's go back later!". That's what we did last time. We never had this problem when creating our wedding registry. There was no research involved. We either liked it or we didn't, and then we changed our minds 3 months later and was stuck with it all! So, if you ever come over and stay with us and see that we have bajillion different colored towels, you'll know what happened. I had not nailed down a color theme. Haha. It's like Joseph's coat of many colors under our bathroom sink. ( I feel so sad that I've acquired two more bathrooms but have no linen closet!)

I'm personally holding out to have a little April Fool's Day baby. That would be exactly a week past my due date. I think that would be fun.

I'll try to get the house looking good in the next couple of weeks so I can provide you guys with a glimpse of our new home. We still have a couple more rooms to paint, so we have furniture crammed into the baby's room.

On the 18th, Brandon and his dad are making a Christmas trip to Atlanta to see the NJ Devils play against whoever Atlanta's hockey team is, so they will be making a pitstop at IKEA. I have already compiled a list of what they are to return with, so maybe I can start putting together the baby's room in January when life slows down.

I am excited and scared.

Also? Brandon decides tomorrow if he's going to be leaving the country in June for ten days to go across the world on a mission trip to Ukraine. I would lie if I said I felt comfortable with him wanting to go. At that point, Natalie will still be a newborn, and I am terrified at the idea of anything happening to him. I don't know how I'll handle being a mother, and if I suffer through PPD or PPA or PPOCD or something scary, I want him here for support. I think he understands that I'm not trying to limit his opportunities, but the timing's just not right next year.

I'm hoping that he will decide to stay, but I know I cannot force him.


Anyhow, off to get ready for the big appointment. Don't want to be late! It's a farther drive now! Have a good day!