I think it's safe to say that I was changed forever on Friday.
Anyhow, I wanted to post my birth story before I forgot any of the gory details. ;)
Brandon and I arrived at the hospital on Friday at roughly 5am. I say roughly because we were really running a few minutes behind after making sure the animals were taken care of for a couple of days in our absence. I had already preregistered for admission after one of my regular OBGYN visits, so admitting did not take too long. We arrived at labor and delivery around 5:20 and were shortly admitted to our room where I was immediately told to change into the hospital gown that I've been living in for the past two days. My vitals were checked and two nurses came in the room to administer the iv that would connect me to the pitocin that would work to induce me. ( I had talked to my doctor and settled on induction after some fatigue had set in and we realized that some of Brandon's family would be making a trip from New Jersey before Natalie's actual due date. Unhappy with the idea that Brandon's family might make it in and out of town without seeing her, I came to the conclusion that elective induction seemed like a good idea. Besides, Natalie was full term and my pregnancy had been extremely healthy and normal. My doctor happily agreed.)
Well, we kind of had issues from the start. The ideal place for my IV was my right hand, but after poking, prodding, and having no success (unless you consider a throbbing, bleeding, swollen hand a success) with getting my veins to perk up and take the needle, we had to transition over to the left hand, which made the connection to the IV extremely awkward since the tower was always to the right side of my bed. I ran the risk of disconnecting it every time I turned, so I was on edge and limited in movement. One nurse moved it to the left side of the bed, but when shifts changed, that did, too.
The pitocin worked in actually launching me into contractions, but the fun didn't truly begin until the doctor came into the room and broke my water at 8:00. Ladies, let me tell you this. You will KNOW when your water has broken. I've always been told that it feels like you're peeing on yourself. I walked around the last few days of my pregnancy convinced that it was happening. Well, it feels so much worse than peeing on yourself, not that I'm a pro there, but you know. It's like a continuous supply of warm soup running down your leg until you deliver your child. In short, it was disgusting, and I can go a while without experiencing that again.
At around 9:30 am, I started to wimp out and asked for my epidural. I never wanted to go about this naturally. Too many horror stories mixed in with the good for me! I had intended to go just a bit longer to find out what my pain threshold was. I was dilated to 4 at the time. The anesthetician came into the room and read me all the risks of epidurals as I nodded my head off and agreed to have one no matter what. READ THIS CAREFULLY. Epidurals hurt. It's not that I'm opposed to the relief an epidural can bring about. . . I hear they work wonders for some people. Anyhow, I was having contractions in the middle of my epidural, so I think any longlasting relief was counteracted. I felt great for a couple of hours, but then the epidural started thinning out and I experienced "hot spots", places in one's body that are pretty much immune to the almighty healing power of the epidural. Freaked out, I requested that I have another dosage. The nurse agreed and even agreed to let me have another one closer to active labor so that I would not be in so much pain while pushing.
Well, the day dragged on until 9:30pm with my contractions not really getting any better, progress-wise. They were stronger, and they hurt (especially with the life of the second epidural wearing out, but cervical changes were extremely slow. The nurse was waiting for the doctor to arrive to see what we should do. The idea of c-section was tossed around because I was only dilated to 6. (Epidurals slow down labor.)The doctor did not want to slow down my labor anymore by recommending another dosage of epidural, so she took me aside and assured me that the best option would now be a c-section. I was too exhausted to think too much about it. I had been in some sort of labor for 12 or so hours at that point, so the idea of meeting Natalie outweighed any wish for "just pushing through". I found out later that Natalie was just too big for me to have the old fashioned way. That, and she had her little hand in front of her face, which was helping to "plug the passage". She was also giving herself a bit of a cone head which we really didn't want.
So, the anestheoleogist (who was probably tired of seeing me at this point) was called into the room to get my medication started for the c-section. It was a stronger epidural and some sort of pepcid. As soon as that medicine was pumped into me, an overwhelming fatigue came over my body. I could barely lift my head or talk. My eyes began to grow very heavy. I think I kept drifting into little cat naps while they worked to get me prepped. I remember laying on my back and hearing all the medical jargon and seeing them hand Brandon his crazy looking c-section scrubs. He was talking about saving it for a Halloween costume with the anestheologist. I remember wanting to smack the both of them because I was being pinched and continuously asked if I felt any sort of pain. They were asking me questions that I couldn't answer with anything but a small whisper because the epidural was going so far up that it was paralyzing my throat.(C-section pain medication is supposed to work from the length of your thighs to just beneath your chest.)
When it was evident that I couldn't feel anything, they flipped me from my hospital bed on to the operating table and wheeled me down the hall into the OR. I remember having my eyes closed the entire time so that I would not feel dizzy on the trip. All of the lights were so bright that I could not keep my eyes open if I tried. When I got into the OR room, every one was in high spirits and the radio was blaring pop and country songs. I remember thinking it was so weird that I was having major surgery and the nurses and doctor were talking about their favorite songs and artists.
Everything took place like I had seen it before on "Baby Story"-- the big blue curtain was brought up between my face and the rest of my body, Brandon was positioned in a chair off to the side of me (NOT SQUEAMISH AT ALL-WAS THIS MY HUSBAND OR AN IMPOSTER?!), and people were talking to me through the curtain and updating me on the status of our baby. I didn't really feel a lot of pressure as the surgery was taking place, but they were prepping me with each step, and at one point someone laid across my stomach and did a mighty shove to free Natalie. She started crying while she was still inside of me. I heard cheers and exclamations about her head full of black hair. I struggled to keep my eyes open and squinted when she was rushed past me to the examination table. Brandon was beaming the entire time. He left my side to go take pictures, and that's when the fun really started. I remember trying to call across the room to him about something, wanting to know how big she was or something like that.
When I opened my mouth, I had absolutely NO saliva. I could not swallow. This is what I meant by "fun". I remember growing really panicked because no one had warned me about that. I had chronic dry mouth and felt like I was choking. When Brandon came to my side with the baby, I struggled to tell him that I could not swallow. I think he didn't get it the first time, so I kept trying to repeat myself. He, of course, was in heaven. When he finally saw my ghostly pallor, I felt like I had died on the table. I think I had started to cry, but I really don't remember. I think the anesthetician came around and started patting my head and telling me it was normal and that I was doing so good. I kept asking if I could have some oxygen or something. I kept asking if it REALLY was normal or if I was allergic to my medication. The solution was a cup of ice. She stuck a piece of ice in my mouth, and I started to cough and strangle. It was so miserable. I seriously felt like I was dying and that no one would notice because the concern was closing my incision.
By this time, Brandon had already left the room and had followed the nurses into the nursery to clean up our sweet girl. I remember the blue sheet coming down and being almost completely nude on the operating table, something that surprised me. I also thought that one of my nurses was a girl that used to go to high school with me that was a grade before me. She wasn't. I remember feeling really embarrassed, as if my modesty had somehow resurfaced after the baby was out of me. I was rolled back on to the hospital bed and was actually able to assist them, which they thought was hysterical. Apparently, most people can't even move, and I was scooting around wherever they needed me to. All the while, I still couldn't swallow. I was just trying to quicken up the process so they could start pumping me with the hydration iv. I overheard things like "large loss of blood", " dehydrated", "keep an eye on her", "longer stay". "will need to be checked every hour". I remember being wheeled back by the waiting room where our parents were and mouthing to them that I could not swallow. I had wanted to smile and was kind of trying to apologize that I could not.
When we were actually back in our room, the iv was started on me immediately as well as a pain medication that would dull the afer effects of the c-section and the epidural. I remember apologizing profusely and people looking at me like I was insane. I have since heard that I was the sweetest, most ideal patient (not tooting my own horn, but I had fears of being kind of mean). I don't know if I was having a panic attack or what, but I was so relieved when I was actually able to swallow my ice that I started to cry. I'm sure it had a lot to do with a sudden shift in hormones, too. About fifteen minutes later, they brought in Natalie for a quick tutorial on breastfeeding. ( I had wanted to attempt nursing in that first hour.) The nurse actually undid my gown and shoved her up to me, skin-to-skin.It was the most amazing thing ever, but I felt unable to do anything, much less hold my baby. I remember trying to find the words to tell the nurse that I couldn't do this. I felt like my eyes were rolling into the back of my head with all of the medication and like I still needed oxygen. She assured me that I was not being a "bad mama" after my many bumbling apologies and that I seriously needed some rest, took the baby, and left the room.
Brandon came into the room shortly after they had given me oxygen and checked on me. I went into my hyper-meltdown mode at that point. I could not BEAR the fact that I was feeling so ill that I could not even hold our daughter. I felt guilty. That was when he confirmed the fact that I had lost so much blood and had been in labor for so long before the c-section that my body had gone into shock. All of the lights were turned out for an hour, and I napped, waking up every time I really drifted off and gasping for breath. Even though I had the oxygen, I was having flashbacks to labor in little dreams. Every time I closed my mouth, I had fears that it would not open again.
An hour later, Natalie was brought back in for a second try. It was so much better. It has GOTTEN progressively better, but I guess you can say it was a pretty traumatic experience. I had gone into this with absolutely no fears about labor and delivery, aside from things that I didn't think could really happen to me (like the epidural hotspots)). I had an amazing doctor, one that I love and trust, but it didn't really prepare me for this. I feel blessed to have gone through so many experiences in one day, but I think I will go straight for a c-section next time and HOPE that the medication doesn't go all the way up to my throat.
Oh, I was also unprepared for the pain of a c-section. It is major surgery. I think I always forgot about that since there's a sweet baby involved, and, duh, you have to get her out. But-- yeah, major surgery, including all of the discomforts that are usually involved with major surgery. The first day after (yesterday) , I was extremely swollen and could barely move. My feet, face, hands, THIGHS (WHO KNEW THEY COULD SWELL!?) were double the size that they were the day before. It really hampered all that I wanted to do with my baby, and a shower, of course, was out of the question until I could move on my own without being hooked up to an iv and catheter. It made receiving visitors a little awkward because I was still in my hospital gown and confined to my bed. It also made the nursing process pretty hard because that alone can be pretty discouraging if you don't really know what you're doing. Luckily, I have a great latcher, and the only handicap is me being able to get in a comfortable position right now. A big cut across your stomach can really slow down things for you when you're attempting to sit indian style and feed your baby. :)
Natalie is a beautiful baby. I know people always think that about their kids, but I usually think newborns are a bit... well, you know--shriveled and alien -like. I was expecting to feel the same thing about my own. I just about die every time I look at her, though. She's got this perfect little nose and the prettiest mouth... and this dimple... in her chin. And ah--I'm in love with her. She is so good, too. Already coos and smiles (gas)-- just the SWEETEST thing. Amazing. We really did a good job. God is good. 8 lbs, 4 oz and 21.5 inches of sweetness. :)
So, now... a shower and preparing myself for visitors. :)
