I have no creative taglines, sorry...

Hello, hello. It's 6am, and I have been wide awake and freezing since a little before 4am. I finally had to get up, put some thicker pajamas on, and trudge downstairs for some blog stalking and facebook prowling...

We have another ultrasound today, and I think I'm a little nervous and excited about that. Hopefully our little girl will cooperate and we'll be able to get a good look at her face and heart. I'm hoping and praying that everything goes normally and that there are no defects or concerns. I have no reason to believe that anything's wrong, but it concerns me a bit that she was on her belly the entire time last time. I've also had some spurts of movement from her followed by long periods of stillness, so I don't know. I guess that's normal, but every little thing you feel and don't feel in pregnancy makes you wonder.

Haha, I'm also a little nervous that we might find out she's a boy this time! I love little boys and would not be opposed to whatever God gives me, but I've already gone on a little shopping spree! Her umbilical cord was between her legs last time. The tech looked twice for us to make sure, but mistakes have been made from time to time, and I guess I'm thinking that if it happened to anyone, it would happen to the girl who's already had her baby's room painted a bright, cheery aqua and bought some undeniably girly outfits. ;)

I am so thankful for this baby, but there are times when I'm paralyzed by the fear of being a mother. I have never really been around newborns. As soon as I hold a baby, I am usually the one handing it right back after the obligatory bounce and butt pat. I don't know if it's pregnancy or sheer terror, but I get really overheated these days when I'm handed a baby. I could chalk it up to hormones and usually do, but I think it's the reality that I will be holding my own in four short months if all goes as planned.

And when it comes to baby registries and shopping for a baby, there are so many options out there. I tried to do some research and got seriously overwhelmed. There's my mother who thinks everything I get needs to come from a consignment store ("You won't use it for long! And you'll have way too much stuff you won't need! Why spend the money on new stuff when you can bleach it in clorox?") and then my mother-in-law who joked or was maybe serious about wanting to have her own shower so she'll have stuff at her house during the times she keeps Natalie. Two conflicting views, one frazzled mommy! I DON'T CARE!

That being said, there are only four items on my registry thus far.
An angel care movement monitor, $100-- it actually has some sort of sensor that will cause an alarm to go off if baby turns on her back or stops breathing. According to Target's reviews, this thing has been a lifesaver many times and has allowed panicked mommies to be able to sleep instead of waking up every thirty seconds to check on baby.

A changing pad. . . for all the yucky that will ensue.

A baby tub... for washing off all of the yucky.

And there was something else, but I can't remember. I want to drag Brandon up and down some baby aisles to help me make decisions, but I have a feeling he will be more overwhelmed than I am, and then we'll register for nothing because we'll say "Let's go back later!". That's what we did last time. We never had this problem when creating our wedding registry. There was no research involved. We either liked it or we didn't, and then we changed our minds 3 months later and was stuck with it all! So, if you ever come over and stay with us and see that we have bajillion different colored towels, you'll know what happened. I had not nailed down a color theme. Haha. It's like Joseph's coat of many colors under our bathroom sink. ( I feel so sad that I've acquired two more bathrooms but have no linen closet!)

I'm personally holding out to have a little April Fool's Day baby. That would be exactly a week past my due date. I think that would be fun.

I'll try to get the house looking good in the next couple of weeks so I can provide you guys with a glimpse of our new home. We still have a couple more rooms to paint, so we have furniture crammed into the baby's room.

On the 18th, Brandon and his dad are making a Christmas trip to Atlanta to see the NJ Devils play against whoever Atlanta's hockey team is, so they will be making a pitstop at IKEA. I have already compiled a list of what they are to return with, so maybe I can start putting together the baby's room in January when life slows down.

I am excited and scared.

Also? Brandon decides tomorrow if he's going to be leaving the country in June for ten days to go across the world on a mission trip to Ukraine. I would lie if I said I felt comfortable with him wanting to go. At that point, Natalie will still be a newborn, and I am terrified at the idea of anything happening to him. I don't know how I'll handle being a mother, and if I suffer through PPD or PPA or PPOCD or something scary, I want him here for support. I think he understands that I'm not trying to limit his opportunities, but the timing's just not right next year.

I'm hoping that he will decide to stay, but I know I cannot force him.


Anyhow, off to get ready for the big appointment. Don't want to be late! It's a farther drive now! Have a good day!