Fat Stats Week One

This is truly embarrassing, but I'm just going to go ahead and be real here. I have never weighed this much in my life, and I feel absolutely disgusting. When I weighed 10 lbs less, last summer, I was trying to lose twenty-thirty lbs off of that weight. Well, we know that didn't exactly happen. I would lose five lbs, feel super great about it, and go out and nomnom at a buffet to celebrate, put four lbs on the next week and just stop trying altogether. 

I had gained about three lbs since the summer from the normal Christmas-time overeating, being less active thing. With the pregnancy, I gained another 7 lbs that just won't even begin to think about budging. I can only imagine how much more I would have gained if the pregnancy had not ended in miscarriage. 

 I'm sure the all-inclusive vacation to Sandals helped that ever so much. :) 

Anyhow, I had success with Weight Watchers six years ago. My freshman year of college, I got near the weight I am now and had an absolute panic attack. If you know any of my history at all, you know weight is a struggle for me. I am perfectionistic when I enter into a diet and soon become OBSESSED. Unfortunately, the last time I was super serious about Weight Watchers, I fell into an eating disorder. 

I'm praying that this won't happen again, but I am determined to lose some weight before we try to get pregnant again. We were going to try again this month, but I just can't imagine gained 30 lbs (or more) on top of what I weigh now. Besides being terribly unhealthy for my height and frame, it would only succeed in making me have more of a complex than I already do. And we all know that would just be awful because my body-image right now isn't exactly up there in ranks of good self-esteem. I am so glad I inherited my mom's fixation on flaws. :/

Which bites... because I've heard that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. Just not sinking in when the scale reads the scary numbers. I am worth more than those stupid numbers. 

It's hilarious because I still feel, in my head, that I look like I did on my wedding day. I know that's not reality, but it's a comforting fallacy. 

So, to further humble myself before all of you, I give you my fat stats, as of this morning, May the 24th. 

Height: 5'6" 

Weight: 167.8 big ones. 

Wedding Weight: 135-ish little ones (though I thought at the time I looked like a WHALE, delusional.com)

I will weigh in again, next Monday, at hopefully a lighter weight. We'll see. 

And once I have lost at least fifteen lbs, Baby Dragan will be in the works. TMI, sorry.

And now, I must finish getting ready for my return to work. I expect a parade and fireworks and all that.