Musings and intention.

Okay, so this is going to be the second post of any merit on this blog, and I'm just not feeling it. It struck me that I don't really have anything interesting going on in this season of my life. I was talking about it with a friend, Andy, at work today. I grew a little bit depressed by it all. It seems like the last decade of my life has been punctuated by school, weddings, more school,  and retail. Retail is my safe home away from home when I don't know what to do with my life, my little segue into stay-at-home-mommyhood. While I'm not really complaining, sometimes I'm left wondering if there's more. And all I have to do is look here, here, and here to know there, in fact, is.  For now, my health insurance benefits are too good to let go of and Brandon is really enjoying and growing in his career. I'm just a supplementary provider, and I can deal with that. I don't think I was ever motivated to be a primary bread winner. My mind is more agreeably engaged by rearing children, but we'll get into that topic at a later date. ;) 

Anyhow, I have decided to try and give it a go at living intentionally. At setting some goals in place. I don't exactly know what they all  are yet, but I'm going to try to make some things happen this year. 

Here are just a few little things that I would like to accomplish. They may seem silly to you, but whatever. 

1) I would like to lose a little bit of weight before we start trying to get pregnant again. ( No children, one miscarriage.)  Weight has been somewhat of a struggle for me my entire life, and I've never been satisfied or even remotely satisfied by the way I look. I know that's sad, but it's the truth.  I don't exactly know the backstory. I could contribute it to a plethora of things said to me in my childhood or blame it on the fact that I just didn't know how to deal with growing up in a disabled sibling household, but no one's really to blame and the truth is, I'm a good twenty pounds over my healthy weight. I managed to lose a good deal of weight about five years ago with Weight Watchers, but it has steadily crept back up and, most of the time,  I can't find  the beautiful twenty-one year old Jami inside the frumpilicious twenty-five year old Jami.  Not to have a big head, but I think I had one good year of beauty. It just happened to be my 21st year. Haha! Maybe that's why the store is named Forever 21? 

Exhibit A: 

21 year old Jami (no make-up and radiantly twenty-one, because you just don't need makeup when you're wearing a tiara and a veil and are twenty lbs skinnier!) 

Exhibit B: 

Madame Frumpsalot and her merry man hands. 

2) I would like to drink more water.  I guess this falls into the category of losing weight, but it needs to have its own bullet point because I neglect it so much. I am not a huge fan of water. I imagined that I enjoyed the first time I did Weight Watchers. It was the magic ingredient that kept the numbers on the scale going down. And then I got cocky and replaced my water with Diet Coke. Hello there,  wonky metabolism. 

3) I would like to actually want to exercise. Right now, the idea just doesn't appeal to me. Sweating, hurting, limping, aching. . . I hate those words and don't want them to enter my vocabulary.  I had a one-week stretch back in 2008 where I thought I was going to get my crap together and be at the gym every morning at 5:30. I managed it for a week and then I got cramps and decided it was unbearable hell and that I would rather be chubby! Bad move. Especially because I have a 70% off Y membership through my employer. You think I would give a crap and want to go. No, I cherish my extra sleep! The funny thing is, I can seriously recall being more energized and happier with all the extra activity. 

4) I would like to get our guest bedroom taken care of. I do this room in phases. When we moved into this house two years ago, I made up my mind to turn that room into my princess-y retreat.  Well, for a year it housed boxes and stuff we didn't put away when we first moved in. Last year, I thought I was getting my act together and bought a Shabby Chic bedroom set off of Craig'slist.  I loved that set. It was to be the start of something wonderful. I was going to be a true DIYer like all of those women I blogstalk and actually  have something to show for it. ( Is it me, or do these women have the strength of superwoman? I mean, a whole house painted in a few days, a couch redone in a day? The list and my jealousy could go on and on and on. ) I would learn how to sew, reupholster, and was going to be like Centsational Girl and wave around my can of heirloom white spray paint like a goddess. Didn't happen. I bought all of these things on clearance with the intent of redoing them. I BEGGED my husband for a cricut so I could be creative and make signs like Amanda.  Guess what? The clearance purchases and the cricut machine are in that junky guest room with my ironing board and laundry baskets, collecting dust in an obscure corner next to the Shabby Chic desk that I bought off Craig'slist. I just cannot follow through when I want to be creative. It's a small miracle if I get a project finished. I don't even have the excuse of a baby or a busy social life or a hectic job. I just shift loyalties quicker than I thought possible. I'm like a player when it comes to my hobbies.  Ashamed is putting it mildly. I'm embarrassed that I dragged Brandon through these escapades and that I'm emerging empty handed. No cute creations, no princess-y retreat. Just some laundry baskets, an ironing board, cleaning supplies, and an unused bedroom set. Not pretty. Not remotely pretty. Junky. Terrifying. The thorn in my side. Wanna see? I couldn't stomach the whole room so I just took a picture of the desk. I wanna cry.  This is the only room in my house that I keep behind closed doors 100% of the time. It's too cute of a room for that. I need motivation! Wouldn't that green be adorable for a nursery? Oh, how do you like that lava lamp? $3.99 at Goodwill. 

4) Read more quality books. I don't mean Pride and Prejudice sequels and variations, though those are really my cup of tea. I mean substantial books like the kind my husband reads. History, politics, religion. 

5) Make time for the people I don't see often enough. That includes family. Because of the nature of my job, I generally hate hanging out with people. I'm the sort that needs downtime to recharge.  I just feel like I see people all of the time. The downside of this is that I miss out on really important relationships and a lot of stinking fun. There are so many missed opportunities in the moments where I decide that I am " too busy" to hang out. We all know I'm not busy when I'm composing this long of a blog post.  There are so many friends that I have forgotten about throughout the years, and I feel awkward going back and trying to renew the friendships now. 

6) Care about my hair.  I am hating on my hair right now. I am trying to grow it out because I'm getting tired of me with short hair. I thought short hair would be the answer to all of my problems because I really hate dealing with my hair. Well, it's short, and I'm finding it harder to enjoy. I don't know. It was a cute style last summer, and then I started going to Fantastic Sam's to save money for hubby's Dave Ramsey lifestyle change. Not so pleased by it now, but I'm determined to let it grow out. 

7) SNAIL MAIL. I want to bring it back. I love handwritten letters. 

8) Sing. I kind of lost interest in singing seriously my sopho-junior year of college.  I don't want to do anything epic, but I might make a small recording on garageband or something just to have around for posterity and those moments when I'm tipsy on life and maybe want to share my little side-talent of old with friends who won't scream at me for being off-key and pitchy. 

9) Cook.  Yeah, I don't really do that enough and have no excuse. Huge kitchen. Just no desire to haul out ingredients, make a mess, eat a ton, make more of a mess and have to clean it up day after day. 

10) Conquer cat hair. I bought a furminator off of amazon last weekend. I am humbled by this awesome creation.  I would post a picture of the actual hair removal tool, but I think the proof is sooo much better. (Side note: This is not my cat. I would die if that much cat hair was on my carpet. Die. ) 

 

11) Become a better blogger. I am erratic and don't know what to write half the time. I don't really understand the whole blog sponsorship thing. I'm pretty sure I don't want to have my blog in order to earn money, though later it might provide some useful compensation. I'm too shy to have a fan following, though a friends following would be quite nice. :)  That being said, my blog is soon to have a face-lift, thanks to the lovely Katie over at Cleared for Takeoff. I went to high school with this girl. Not only is she lovely, she's also hilarious, pretty stinking crafty, and a pro at blog layouts. She's also mama to a pretty cute little chick named Ellie.  I have been drooling over her blog designs  for a while and finally decided to shell out the cash for a revamp rather than pull my hair out trying to make something look cute, though I still love my header made by Trina. I know it's going to be awesome. I'm hoping it'll inspire me to blog more efficiently. I know I'll look forward to seeing the finished product on that layout. 

12) Go see more quality movies with Treen!! The Backup Plan was hysterical, and that's generally not my kind of movie. I especially loved the home birth. Wow. Not happening. 

Okay, so that was one directionless blog entry, but at least it was something. You're welcome for the shout-outs. :)